Unusual Girl Studios

Reality TV makes me want to....

2012-02-03T19:56:00.000-08:00

Move to California and learn to be a special effects make-up artist! Me and the fam are totally hooked on Face OFF! Not surprising considering the correlation between the sculpting techniques they use and my artistic direction!

Trade Spouses! No, not really- yuck. Hows 'bout, instead I....

Help jailbirds rescue pit bulls! Can I do it from a -far away- separate room, though? I don't really want to interact with criminals. People who haven't been incarcerated are difficult enough let alone those clingy, needy, citizens silly enough to get caught. By the way- I'm the girl with the cool hair! By the way, that show is called Pit Bulls and Parolees. I think those ladies are pretty safe from both the pit bulls and the parolees!

Open up a pawn shop, put on 50 pounds and start wearing cut off t-shirts and hoodies. Hey! Looks like there's good money in it!

Hunt Ghosts and other spooky creatures! Except for that darn- scared of the dark- phobia wherein I can envision myself peeing my pants and jumping in the reluctant arms of a camera man at the slightest netherworldly moan or groan!

Make sculptures out of cake and embrace my inner Italian! Except that the closest I come to Italian is my uncle by marriage! Still- who wouldn't want to make a cake that looks and moves like a dinosaur! Yes, I know, this one is some kind of two headed dragon!

Help Hoarders clean out their house! Oh, wait- did that! When I got my parents house ready to sell I filled two twenty five foot dumpsters. Seriously, I lost 15 pounds of baby weight and the house stood three feet taller.

My parents house didn't quite look like this- holy cow!

Now, I'd really like to help people with their weight loss like on The Biggest Loser but honestly I just don't think I am the best person for that job. I like food, hate exercising and once caused a friend to have an asthmatic attack by leaving a marker on her desk with a note that said "Smell this, You know you want to!!!" In my defense that's when I first realized she was asthmatic.... as she started to make this strange gasping noise and was thrashing around for her purse...where she kept her inhaler. Chalk that up to a lesson learned! No, I don't think I am suitable to guide people who have gone astray back onto a good path.

Yes, reality TV and a cushy chair have taken control of me- I am at their mercy. I am working on a commissioned project. Its a hard one. Why? Because I don't know how to do anything in a way that would be easy, convenient or time efficient. Always challenging myself to do something new and unique may just be getting the best of me. My deadline is March 1st and I am afraid I won't make it. A bathroom re-model isn't getting me any further along on the art project either.

So, all in all things in my life are the same as always- out of control, unorganized and inefficient! Ahh, life is good!

There is good news, I promise!

2012-01-20T18:44:00.000-08:00

Hey there! So I have been a little sickly...or a lot sickly lately. So I thought- what ever do I blog about?

The cough that that won't go away and must be like doing a half dozen sit ups with every hacking outburst? The fact that I can't go 10' without a box of tissues but I ran out of those and descended to a roll of toilet paper? The part where I promised to do nothing but rest last night right after I drove through slippery roads and 7 degree temperatures to take one girl to singing lessons and came home to find the other had not showered, wrapped her gift for the sleepover birthday party or even packed her clothes to take with her? How I tried to make her sleep over clothes easier to carry by putting them in a 'space bag' and sucking out the air with a vacuum but the bag was old and it took me three times to realize I wasn't gaining ground on the problem, meanwhile, said child had fallen fast asleep? I could go on and on about the indignities of all the weeks past but I won't. Those who know me understand the ongoing conflict between me, life and my quest for dignity. Life is winning.

But! Hold your horses! There's some light at the end of the tunnel! Because before the trip for singing lessons and the battle with a space bag I did stop at the mail box to find.....

not ONE, but TWO issues of Art Doll Quarterly. What does this mean? Well, its early for one thing. And that there was two? Well, put the two clues together and it means that I get an extra issue because I was published in this issue!!!!

I sent in this art doll for the Bottle Doll Challenge. And they chose to publish it!!! Now before you get too excited its a rather small picture on the lower corner of a page. But guess what? IT COUNTS!!! I was published for the second time!!!!!! Yee ha!!!!

Yep, it was a small picture so I am using my photos- wrinkled background and all!

But you want to know what the really cool thing is?

I belong to Cloth and Clay dolls- you can see the button on the right side of my blog. Its a group of art doll artists. Some of us belonged to a a group within Cloth and Clay that decided to answer Art Doll Quarterly's Challenge to create and art doll. I count 8 that were published with the addition of one who was asked to do an article about her piece.

I would love, love, to scan and share with you all of those photos but my pc that works with my scanner is in the hospital having a very nasty virus removed. Now, why can't I have that done???

So that's all for now, hope you guys are all well. I'm working on a small commissioned piece that came about because of Art Prize and thinking of all the other art doll pieces I can submit to ADQ...like Headless Amy and my version of Sara Crewe for the Story Book Character Challenge. What's going on in your world?

Hey there!

2012-01-19T19:43:00.000-08:00

I need to call in sick for a few days, folks! I have some news for you when I get back to my old self!!!

Headless Amy Redux

2012-01-09T20:25:00.000-08:00

Folks, I think that means 're-do'. I know the word only from some movie title- not one that I watched but one that I decided didn't look like it would be worthy of the brain cells it would take to watch it. And, after that presumptuous statement- I really do hope I used it correctly or at least with style.

After stalking my own post about me, err- I mean Headless Amy, I realized there were a couple of glaring problems. The floofy ribbon had to go- too much, it was interfering with the elegant line of her neck and compass/head. I feel much better- don't you?

I dressed up the cage and handle a bit. I think that turned out nicely.

And sadly, as much as I liked the idea of a mascara brush for an arm- it also was just a touch too much. Amy is now down to just that 7 cent can opener and some suitcase keys.

If you are in doubt of my decision let me tell you I was highly influenced by CoCo Chanel's advice- "Put on all your jewelry and accessories and then...take the last piece off."

I did add some bling to her coat and a nice belt to her dress. (Sorry CoCo- it seemed appropriate.)

Speaking of 'appropriate' I am very worried about my 80 year old daughter. I mean 8- eight- year old daughter. I figured out how to load music on to her i-pod shuffle that she received for Christmas. First you down load it onto your computer and then copy it to her device, right? Except that I couldn't figure out how to single out her teeny-bopper tunes and ended up downloading all my music as well as hers. So, imagine my self doubt when I, standing in the kitchen, hear her proclaim loudly to herself, in the living room, as she scrolled through her new music- "Oh no, I'm not EVEN listening to that! Its just not APPROPRIATE!!!!"

Now, really- which one of us is the adult? Cuz, only one of us just created a self portrait doll that has her head in a cage and a can opener for an arm....

Headless Amy Lives!!!

2012-01-01T16:43:00.000-08:00

Here she is, Folks!!!! For the most part she is finished!!!! These pics don't really show that she has a greyish tone to her skin and a small amount of crackle-ing here and there.

I have to fix the handle to the birdcage. I have to adjust her bionic arm so that all the parts and pieces are hanging just so. Her arm consists of a paint can opener that cost my father 7cents once upon a long ago time, a mascara brush and two suitcase keys. A thimble covers up her neck stump. (Creepy saying that!)

I just painted the wagon handle. I don't like the ribbons in the back but they are there to hide a plastic part on the back of the compass. Too me the ribbon is a step too much. Don't likey.

What do you think of her head??? I'm pretty happy with everything- the hair, her eyes and her expression.

Check out her boot. Its made with wire mesh armature and then I sculpted a 'shoe' over it. Didn't know I was a footwear designer, did you?

You are probably wondering what the heck is going on with the base she's standing on. Well, if you remember her story its based on (me) a lady who is so busy trying to be all and do all but life has gotten away from her especially since she lost her head. She remains undaunted and continues on with her life because- well, what else is she to do???

So with a few household items, safety pins, screws she puts herself together. She even manages to remain somewhat fashionable.

I think we have all felt like Headless Amy at some point or another. For me it seems like forever now that I have just forged forward simply ignoring the obstacles in my way. I've paid the price- just like Amy. And, I like to think once in awhile I can pull together the small miracle of fashionable style.

So that's Amy. Headless Amy. A few minor adjustments and she'll be done! Hope you like her!

Christmas Crafts for the Kiddos

2011-12-20T18:37:00.000-08:00

Here's just a little peak at some Christmas goodies for the stockings.

All of you craft enthusiasts will recognize the necklaces as pre-made, available at Hobby Lobby for 1.99. The pendant is made on top of a ceramic plate from the miniature department of the same store. I'm a big fan of using nail polish as paint. It is, after all, an enamel! See- its not what things are- its what they could be.....

I used various and assorted thingy-ma-bobs that I already owned to make up a dozen of these pendants. The cupcakes are decorative brads from a scrapbooking store. Those of you who remember Cherry Cupcake may recall what a cute brassiere they made. I also used some shaped glitter that I had on hand. Using clear nail polish I anchored the charm on the background and after that dried I added more layers in which the glitter floats. When all is said and done, I intend to add a dollop of real resin to the top but honestly...I've used clear nailpolish for a lot of things and it holds up well. Sometimes you just want a little bit of something (not chocolate, I never want a little bit- I want a lot!) and you don't want to have to mix it up either.

Some of the other charms are from broken pieces of jewelry- reuse, reduce, recycle! A couple of these pendants went into gift baskets. Two are earmarked for a certain couple of girls and the rest...well, if I ever do open that Etsy store...you'll see them there! Will I ever get that store open????

I don't know but I'd like to leave you with the cutest conversation ever...

"MOM!" Said Brooke "Tell me all the states I've been to." So I did. "No, no! I mean before I was born even. Tell me all the states I've been."

"Well," I said, a little confused "when you were in my tummy you went to New York to visit Aunt Jane."

"No, Mom, I mean... tell me ALLLL the states you've been to because I was always in your heart."

So I did.

Christmas Gift Ideas from Chris

2011-12-14T19:31:00.000-08:00

You know I miss you all in blogger land.

I'm a little behind in my Christmas preparations so I can't spend much time with you. (Yes, I know- I look very old and my hair is very short. Read back a few posts to understand my problem with anxiety and hair cutting.)

But its that time of year where "pleasers" like myself feel obligated to not just "make people happy" but to make them "over the moon in joyous rapture" at their gift.

See Exhibit (A) below.

Yes, that is Chinamommy.

Now see Exhibit (B) below.

Eeesshh! Wowsza! She couldn't even fake liking her Pareo. (That's a fancy name for scarf big enough to wrap yourself in.)

"Why don't you like it?" I whined? "Its a very popular color scheme! See?"

See? Even major industries approve of this attention grabbing color scheme.

And speaking of attention grabbing...That yellow is a safety feature built right in! See? The very same shade is used to mark dangerous curbs so people don't trip right into oncoming traffic! And to guide you into the nearest gas station when you need to fuel up.

Well, Christmas Children everywhere, it was a bad deal. No sale. So, to save you the dis-appointment of being the "BAD gift giver" I have decided to offer up some suggestions for gift ideas.

I'd like to start with the "Forever Lazy" Jumpsuit. Its warm and snuggly. Its for grown ups. You don't even have to take it off to go potty 'cuz there are places that unbutton for things like that. You can go anywhere in this little outfit. Like the nearest "All You Can Eat" buffet.

Next- here's the very next "As seen on TV" invention- be the first to own one-

THE HILLBILLY CORK SCREW

(And yes, that is Kristi, from Cheeky Green Designs)

Cuz, sometimes, you have to get that bottle open, no matter what.....

This handy device comes in several stages of decomposition- from slightly rust to very rusty to covered in grease and oil. Trust me, standards ARE flexible when necessary.

If you don't like those choices or your recipient is male consider this.....

Or....a favorite every year.....SPAM Sandwiches!!!

But all in all, you shouldn't worry about your gift choices too much. Christmas isn't about that. Its about moments. Like this one.

Just in case you don't hear from me before hand- I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas.

Headless Amy Is No Longer Naked!

2011-12-04T15:22:00.000-08:00

I thought you's be relieved to see she's decent! She has a little black dress made from gessoed tissue paper and undies as well. Whew! (I said it for you.)

She also has eyes! And a 'faux' head to wear on top of her neck. Working on the arm replacement but not quite finished. But, please notice her oh- so- stylish hand bag made from a mettallic brillo pad.

I am working so backwards on this one! I have to paint her which will be more difficult now that she's clothed. I have to toss around the idea of coloration. After all- if you've been decapitated your complexion may not be so rosy or peaches and cream. Any thoughts?

Meet Headless Amy

2011-11-27T17:27:00.000-08:00

Warning!!!! There is some uncomfortable nudity in this post. Let me temper that with the fact that most nudity is uncomfortable for me.

(Hey- I won't look at your parts if you promise not to look at mine. Well, actually- even if you do happen to inadvertently see something of mine I am still going to try like Hell not to see anything of yours.)

So what is this oddity below? Why is there a creepy head in a creepy cage? And why share that? Because that's me. I share.

Headless Amy came about in protest to the unfairness of my children being able to play with dolls that look like friendly and fashionable monsters. If you haven't heard of Monster High Dolls well....it just means you don't have kids in the 8-11 age group. I find them hilarious. I hated those slutty Bratz dolls. Thanks, people for sending my girls the message that "hot" means barely dressed. It really conflicted with my message that hot means don't touch the stove.

Monster High dolls are not particularly more covered by appropriate clothing but they also do not look like creatures you are likely to run into in school tomorrow. (Duh, they have their own school!) Plus, they sport monikers like 'Cleo Denial" and Frankie Stein (every school needs a good Jewish family) and Dracu Laura and Ghoulia Yelps and my daughter's favorite- Clawdeen Wolf. I'm sold!

But...I'm also too old for Barbies, undead or otherwise. "Fine! I exclaimed as we were cleaning one day. I'll take this one!" And I grabbed the dollar store Barbie that had been missing a head for awhile. "Mom!" they stated incredulously "That's a Barbie Doll!" "No, its Headless Amy and she'd be happy if you remembered to use her name!"

So this is where I begin with Headless Amy. She did need a head. How else would she see where she was going. But not having her eyes in the same location as the rest of her has led to some unfortunate incidents. Amy is a resourceful soul and quite determined to carry on with her day. So when she lost her foot (that's a story for another post) well, she just took stock of her belongins' and came up with a foot of a different kind. That accident with her arm might have been avoided...but it wasn't. A sewing kit and a few other odds and ends kept in the junk drawer fixed that right up. You get the picture.

Amy is nothing if not fashion conscious as well. Its a lot though, getting through those every day to do lists and looking pretty. Sometimes a girl just has to grit her teeth, put on her big girl panties and just keep moving forward. Do you think she realized she's not wearing any panties today???? She'll have some soon. And, so now you have met...Headless Amy. A bit of a departure from my last project!

Oh, and these......well, let's just say I earned them. If I hear the jingling of sleigh bells ...I'll know its the U.P.S. man bringing me my shoes.

Descriptions of Chris

2011-11-20T13:34:00.000-08:00

Ever had an employee review? Remember the comment section of your report card? Did you ever hear phrases like these? If so...I like you.

Not quite square- peg in a round world.

Flunked out of "ordinary".

Doesn't think outside of the box because...she lost the box and is still looking for it.

Reliably tardy and somewhat foolhardy.

Is at war with reality.

Doesn't quite fit the mold.

Easily lost in minutia.

Still contemplating a style of frame to fit "the big picture."

Carries the world on her shoulders and is armed only with a good support bra.

Have a good week everyone!

What if this were my last post, ever?

2011-11-14T16:36:00.000-08:00

Man, I had a busy weekend...some friends threw a surprise party for me...(It was great- thanks, ladies!)...I'm way behind on the ole' schedule. So I thought what if I just don't post this week- that would be alright- right? And then the thoughts came creeping in....what if I was in a horrible accident and never posted again...and my last ever post was my bare naked face covered in huge mountainous zits?

So if you can give me just a couple of days I'll post something....it may be my explanation of how I fumbled the whole "this is where babies come from" fiasco. It may be this hilarious story that Kayla wrote- and when I say hilarious I mean it- she's a genius. Or it could be about our not so recent discovery that she has O.D.D. which stands for Oppositional Defiant Disorder, commonly associated with ADHD. Or it could be about Headless Amy- my newest art doll/self portrait/new friend. I'm obsessed with her right now. Probably why I don't have a post ready and why my floors never got mopped.
Oh, the decisions to be made....by the way, did I mention that my friends (Chinamommy and Cheeky Green) threw me a surprise party?? There are pictures.....

I thought it would go differently....

2011-11-06T16:44:00.000-08:00

Remember how busy I was with the whole sculpture/artprize thingy? Well there were a lot of things that happened this summer I wanted to share with my blogger friends. Why you? Because you like me and I like that about you. I think all of us who blog get that we are doing it because we need an outlet and a way to document for posterity's sake all the weird things that happen in our lives.

Two things recently, big things in my little world that I pictured going just a bit more smoothly.

1. The 25th class reunion

2. My young daughter learning about the facts of life.

Now, when I explain the 25th class reunion I should explain that it did go well. It was a blast. Thanks to Facebook a lot of the awkwardness was avoided. About a year ago we, the classmates that are friends on FB started discussing the reunion and someone suggested creating a page which I did, mainly because I happened to read the suggestion look to the side bar and see the words "create a page". Turns out, I was able to do just that, create a page. Next thing you know people were posting pictures, getting in touch with each other, discussing 80's music- it was all good. Thanks, Facebook!

But.... whether or not you think you care about what you look like....you do. I swore I didn't. I lost a little weight after a recovering from an illness. Funny how feeling so-oo-ooo much better makes it easier to do that! It showed and I was happy! It was summer so I had a tan. The hair was good. (NOT so much now!)

However.... some where, some time...long ago..in a past life... I must have done something really bad. I mean- unforgivable...maybe not murder but maybe something more like sleeping with every married man in the neighborhood bad....something out of Wysteria Lane kinda bad...because...

The week of the reunion I broke out. In the really big hormonal zits. The ones that look and feel like small mountains that change the geography of your face...those zits. Tuesday there was one. I was suspicious...like mice, if you see signs of one you can bet there's more. Wednesday there were three. I couldn't help it. I panicked. I picked. I called everyone. They all said- "DON'T PICK" but they may as well have been screaming into the wind. I picked. By then I had two days for those to heal..by the way "no joy" these pimples are more like tumors. This was bad. Should I miss the re-union? A sudden unexpected death in the family or merely called out of town on business? By the time Saturday came along there were six of various sizes and projection.

Well, as women do, my colleagues gathered round. My boss brought me some of her trusted pimple cream and another lotion. Immediately I could tell by the burn that it was working. I went to the tanner. by Saturday morning I knew it was as good as it was going to get. I decided to document everything because this was just too hard to believe other wise. I can do this. I am an artist for a reason. Time to paint a pretty picture. Or at least one that is pretty till the second drink.

Yep, those are my best paint brushes and my paint tray. On it my best make up and my new blemish concealer.
Now I should tell you that I flake. And flaking I was- right on those blemishes I just couldn't leave alone. Having tons of experience with makeup and flaking skin I know that the makeup is just going to soak into the flaky area and look- well, flaky. So off must come the flakes. Now, the tricky part- not removing the new skin underneath. Know those rotary brushes you are supposed to use with cream to oh- so gently stimulate your complexion? I used it oh- so- gently- dry, no lotion, until I was pretty sure I wasn't getting any more dead skin off. Yeah- I knew I'd pay for that in the upcoming week but I'd pay that bill later....Next, the skill full application of makeup. Hey- I'm 42, I have some make up skills- don't you?

This is during. First I went around the blemish in a circle because that area is darkest. Then on top. I let that dry and then applied my foundation. (Pretty bad when your foundation has to have a foundation, heh?)

Here's one where I don't look maniacal.

So then, knowing it was the best I could do my hubby and I went to the re-union. It was a blast. I was very glad to have seen every one and I even shared with just a few what I had gone through to get there. They applauded my bravery. Actually I don't think they were terribly interested in discussing my acne and just wanted to move the conversation along.

So here's the proof that all went fairly well and the evening was certainly a lot of fun. The zits? Caused by a new birth control pill that is supposed to help with skin problems. "Once in awhile some one comes along and has the opposite reaction..." I was told later when I said to my health professional "Hey- believe it or not, I do have to be seen in public..." All is much better now, those hormones leveled themselves out...at least on my surface layer anyways....

Oh! My child learning about the facts of life.....I'll tell you about that another time...it went really smoothly...

Halloween Reasons I Shouldn't Be A Mom

2011-11-02T14:12:00.000-07:00

1. After watching way-ay-ay too many scary movies while forcing the children to fold laundry my daughter says.."Mommy....I'm scared...." and I reply with a question "Why? Do you see dead people?"

2. On the trick or treat trail through the never ending subdivision I decide I am tired and want to be done. When I tell the girls that I want to turn around and go back they cry like little sissy babies and say they don't have enough candy yet. Always the problem solver, I tell them to switch jackets and hit up the houses again.

3. When the perfect one staunchly says no, she won't do it, I suddenly have a vision of her years later as the crabby librarian with the wart on her nose telling all the fun kids to shush up. I offer her a dollar and actually use the phrase "C'mon, you know you want to!"

4. When the only home owner who has a clue recognizes my little criminals I loudly state (as they shuffle back to me empty handed)..."And that girls....is what it feels like to get caught cheating...."

Some or all of the above may be true....you decide!

PS. Brooke- I wasn't born yesterday and I found your candy in the first place I looked for it!

Happy Halloween!!!

2011-10-30T19:40:00.000-07:00

Hey doesn't everyone have an old First Communion dress hanging around?

And don't all you Catholic girls wonder if this isn't a little bit sacreligious....well....don't you?

Don't worry- she doesn't really look or move like these pictures depict.....we practiced that....

Of course there are those times that I've wondered if I would ever wake up and find a child's face hovering over mine....with an axe in her grip......

Happy Halloween- must go to bed...and lock the door behind me:)

Halloween Hyjinks!

2011-10-24T14:39:00.000-07:00

This is a re-post from 2 years ago. I like to get the story out of the storage bin along with the rest of the Halloween decorations. I thought I'd make it a tradition. (Plus I am all out of clever things to blog about and way behind on grading homework!)

One wonders, is the mean girl still lurking just outside the dressing room?

The mean 20 year old at the dressing rooms told me there was no flash photography allowed. So I promised not to use my flash. She then said "no pictures at all!" I said "Seriously?" You have got to be kidding!" Really, does she think I was going to run home and copy the super girl outfit on my sewing machine? Couldn't she tell by merely looking at me- that I am almost 40, that life has been very hard recently as I rush around trying to get two little girls off to different classrooms with different schedules and different events going on every freakin' day with different homework every freakin' night and that not only am I getting grey hairs and wrinkles but also still enjoying the fun of acne due to my raging hormones? And that the only thing on my ever rotating roster of things to do that has brought me any joy is the thought of how cute Kayla would be in a super girl costume but that I would have to take a picture to see it because there is no way they would choose not to be a princess or a fairy so if I want any memories at all I will have to lug in my big phalyx symbol of a camera into the store and snap a shot of the little tykes in the moment. But, no, in the land of twenty year olds, apparently my situation wasn't that obvious.

And she wasn't kidding, as I found out. I also found out that even if you hide in the dressing room and take a picture of the girls outside the dressing room- that cameras are loud when the flash goes off. And the light doesn't necessarily stay in the room. So imagine my chagrin as the 20 year old mean girl came to once again inform me that there was no flash photography and points at the sigh on the wall that you can clearly see in the picture. Then to justify herself and make me feel small, I imagine, she told me that she could get fired. WELL, I would hate to cut short her career at Halloween, USA even though it was October 15th that very day.

So there in is the story of how we came to purchase our Asian Princess Halloween costumes from Halloween USA. Because, even though every bone in my body wanted to take my little girls and my little wallet and walk out, I knew there was no explaining the universal code of wrong and right to a 5 1/2 and 7 year old and I also knew the only one who would be punished for leaving empty handed would be me.

See? I was crazy long before now......

Hello- its nice to meet you!

2011-10-16T18:47:00.000-07:00

A lot of people are doing these cute posts- "Wordless Wednesdays" "Ten Random Things" etc....I thought I should do one. But which one? Hey- why not make up one of my own? So I am going to do that- make up one of my own!

Because I have been gone so long and when I have been here I've only been talking about one thing....many different and clever ways but still- I sense you are bored with me. C'mon, admit it.. I won't be offended...I'm bored with me!

So I thought I'd remind you of while you follow me....not because I am so darn talented...not because I am so witty and clever..... but rather because you sense there is a little bit of crazy lurking around my corners....and you like it!

SEE the CRAZY? Yeah, thought you did!

Here's my 10 things about me you are going to wish you didn't know!

1. Rules. I don't like them. They make me itchy. A little ornery. Definitely oppositional. REALLY? I have to cross at the corner? And when the light says so? Hmmm..... I think this opposition comes from the part wherein I'm a nice person, always have been but that hasn't made bad things not happen. It hasn't made my life all sunshine and roses. As a matter of fact I have almost always had rather a lot to accomplish with relatively little resources. So if I have to cut a corner now and again, so be it. Rules are relative to all things being equal. All things are not equal. Basically I promise not to steal, cheat, lie about people other than me (yes, I am 125lbs, I am) and commit mass murder and other than that I will try to use good judgement. Try.

2. I play tricks on people once in awhile. I do. I get frustrated when other people force their mental unbalances on me and make my life difficult. For instance when I was in my twenties I worked side by side with a lady who had some strong opinions. For whatever reason she became troubled with the idea that I would decide to become pregnant and leave her high and dry to run her shop all by herself. This idea became the topic of many conversations that I was not present for but don't kid yourself- of course I found out about it. How crazy was that? The idea that I should or should not become pregnant in relation to the difficulty it might create in her life. Let alone the part where I wasn't trying to become pregnant, thank you for asking-oh, that's right- it wasn't her business....it was so wrong of her on so many levels that I decided to handle the situation my way. I used her paranoia to create some fun. I started mentioning 'an upset stomach this morning'. I made doctors appointments from the store phone. I made strange comments about what I wanted for lunch. I don't remember how it ended- how I eventually wrapped it up but it was fun.

3. I have my own weirdnesses, thank you. I don't know if it qualifies as O.C.D. or some sort of anxiety disorder manifestation. When I get overwhelmed and full of anxiety I focus that anxiety on my hair.

I don't usually believe in perfection. I do however want my hair to be even. If I have a lump or a bump I believe its due to an uneven length. And I'm a designer. That qualifies me to be a hair stylist right? (designers have a belief that they can do anything) So I figure that if I find the uneven area and just trim it....ever so slightly.... fast forward an hour or sometimes two- later and you can imagine the problems. Sometimes there's periods of this hair trimming over days at a time. Let's just say that right now....my hair is very, very short. I'm OK after an emergency visit to a stylist to have it fixed. Lately its been a Super Cuts stylist because A) they don't know me and B) they can get me in really fast.

4. I'm a failure. Everything I am good at makes me no money. Really- someone tell me how to get off the hamster wheel and work less making more $$$$. I know "its not all about the money" but at some point I'd like to stop worrying that I'm going to be an OLD starving artist.

5. Good things about me-

I find the beauty in most everything and everyone. You don't have to be society's current standard of beautiful. Artists see the world differently. Sometimes I just like the way a nose runs into a forehead or the creases a smile makes. So don't waste your time telling me all the things you don't like about yourself- I don't see you the way you do. I see you with my eyes.

6. Here's some bad things I do- or don't do...

I way overbook myself. I do. There's consequences for that. You can't do everything well all at once. Your family gets mad at you. You get mad at your family. You make mistakes. Only about 90% of what you try to do gets done and the other 10% keeps you up at night.

I am late in the morning. Always have been. Its preventable. I think I just really don't like to start my day because I know its going to be Hell on wheels or I'm going somewhere I don't want to. Don't kid yourself- being late is a control thing.

I pay bills on my schedule not theirs. Sorry. Unfortunately this costs me money in late fees. They all get paid but its on my timeline. I guess if I didn't overbook myself I could get up early one morning of the month and take care of this...you get the picture.

I don't exercise. I don't have time. I'm late. If I do have time there are other things that need to be done- like paying bills.

7. I say inappropriate things all the time. Why? Because if I find it funny I want to share. Here's how I train the new warehouse guy...."Mike, I really like you so it will make me sad when I have to kill you for messing this up....let's try to avoid that." Or...."For God's sake! We're both really smart people! So how do we keep screwing this up so badly?"

8. I can't tolerate repeated noises. Seriously- repeated noise negates everything else and must be addressed. You could be the Pope but if you tap your fingernails on the table more than three times I will be forced to rip them from your fingers. Then I will bandage them up with the utmost care and make you a lovely cup of tea to take your Vicodin with.

9. I have the ability to admit what I am not good at. (Probably because there are plenty of things I am good at!) I no longer feel it is necessary to pretend to be good at driving. I'm the girl who drove into a cornfield because I was admiring all the shades of orange in the winter sky when suddenly the road ended. OOPS!

10. Oh that's right. I don't like rules. I know I titled it 10 things you didn't want to know about me but I'm going with the idea that you have already read way too much about me- your eyes have glazed over and there's a little trail of drool coming out of the corner of your mouth. You'd care about that if you hadn't just poked your mind's eye out with what ever sharp instrument you put your hands on.

Missed me, didn't you?

Every day heroes and the finish line!

2011-10-09T08:02:00.000-07:00

I had to lead with this. I won't be foisting too many more pictures of Art Prize on you unless I think that its so cool you really can't live a full and enlightened life if you haven't seen this artwork. That's how I feel about this. I wish I had more of this entry to share with you because its actually four dresses on mannequins and while this one was spectacular you deserve to see all of them. This one seems very light and innocent while the others are darker- mysterious and maybe just a tad menacing? Love this little walk on the dark side.

Back to me. I know- I've not been there for you lately. My life has been hi-jacked between A.P. and this year's parade of homes, in which my firm has two. We are designers- we did not build these homes but they have our design print all over them. The kitchens, the baths the built ins, wall colors, lighting...you get the picture. But when the deadline is approaching for parade everyone gets a little psycho. Not me, so much, because I believe in having balance in your life. Keeping perspective. I know what's really important. Blah, blah- nobody cares what I think when they are in the midst of their own personal break down! Its like a race that's gone bad and someone has yelled "Everyone for themselves! Try to make it to the finish line- just don't get in my way." It makes me want to change my profession. Hmmm.....

How does this segway into 'Everyday Heroes' you ask? As well you should, you sane and well balanced individual.

Last Thursday morning I got the kids onto the bus, dressed myself, (no I didn't go down to the bus naked- I think) and made my vehicle go...

(Hey, Thursday mornings are that tough- I work from 9-9 the day before, I don't sleep anymore and I am faced with the thought of going into work one more time, same as last week- you get it, right?)

.......to my coffee place. At which point I discovered I had lost the skill of conversation. Thank God for every day heroes.

It went like this.

"Hello, this is Sandy. What can I get for you?"

My inner voice- Oh crap, a new girl. I can't just announce my arrival and expect my coffee to appear at the window. I'll have to try to place my order on my own.

"I'd like the au lait. No, wait- its Thursday. Which means I want the Michigan Cherry coffee.....er...I think you make it with half milk...no, that's the au-lait.....you...... OH HELL! I don't know how you make it...."

Suddenly- there was an interruption- the angels sang and trumpets bellowed- softly, mind you, and a golden light shone down.

"Chris!- Its OKAY."

"Its Tara,

I'm here,

I've got it."

Now that may not seem like much to you but if you'd have been there....you'd have seen the whole picture. A zombie (me) driving a car, dressed, styled and made up, asked to complete a simple task...escalating into something that can only be described as feverishly confused and viral. And a drive through coffee server miraculously remaining cool, calm and collected- taking over the situation and talking the zombie out of the suicide jump. They could make a sitcom episode out of that moment.

Needless to say by the time I got to the window,Tara and I were cracking up over our melodrama. I feel badly for her though. I think we both know- now, that she can never leave her post at the window. She can never move on, never better her lot in life- she may as well quit going to college....because until my life changes....I need her right there. At the coffee window.

Just a few more pics from Art Prize!

2011-09-25T16:45:00.000-07:00

This lady is covered entirely in beads!

This man is made from game pieces!

soooo pretty!

I will add in the artist's names and more about their piece later...must go get my work done!!!

2011-09-24T19:38:00.000-07:00

Whew HOO! We are excited! For Art Prize! I know, I know- you aren't here so its just not as exciting for you! (By the way can you please pray for us in regards to that last adult tooth coming in and pushing those two front teeth together just a little more???)

This work is by artist Terry Brennen and is called "Dumpster Diver". All of these sea creatures are formed from upcycled or repurposed 'junk'. Thought you'd like to take a look- but look very closely to see what the pieces and parts used to be- because that's the fun part!

All of the fish you see here and the scuba diver are made from upcycled objects. Can you see the baby carrier in the scuba diver's belly? This man is crazy clever.

This tiny squid is one continuous piece of wire.

This artist has been a welder for forty years and this is his first work of art. He spent a year on it. Hmmm, sound familiar?

This is my Art Prize lovin' family. Where do I fit in in this group? I ask you- from what alien pod did I break free?

I think I should have been labeled with a disclaimer. "Not for normal consumption."

So much more to share with you. Things are going well. The best part of standing next to my sculpture is when people look at it and then start smiling. That's a great compliment!

2011-09-18T18:53:00.000-07:00

Last Summer there was an alien in my yard.

This summer she is finished. A full fledged sculpture.

My first ever project of a large scale.

My most detailed endeavor. Tons of planning and drawing and researching.

Every flower chosen for the element that I connect with. Zinnia are so unapologetic, fervent and joyous. Calla lilies are so very elegant and simple in their shape. The leaves of the Calla Lily are just as strong and elegant as the blossom.

So long I wondered just what was she all about. She knew, she always knew. But Art Prize made me give her a title which became= Life Cycle; bounty of joy and sorrow. There's a long story that goes with the title. All about stages in life from that of childhood dreams ( the ballerina) to soaring free as a young adult- (the dove) to realizing maturity and the strength that comes from knowing one's self. Knowing where one has been, what has been and what is yet unknown but welcome. That is what this sculpture has been about.

I learned so much. How to make hands. How to create a face and a persona.

I had not sculpted an animal before.

This one took a tumble down the stairs with me.

Because I always want to do everything all at once I decided that her finished appearance should be that of cloisonee`. I used wire to outline the shapes of the leaves and planned that the shapes would be filled in to the point where they would seem that they might overflow. But intrigued with the depth of the spaces I thought I should include glass because it has thickness and translucency all at once. I had a local stained glass person crush glass into bits for me. He was so tired of it that he quit 1/2 way through the project. Turns out I had plenty- have plenty left over too!

Let's not forget that those flowers could not just be flat- oh no, they must have depth and dimension. Turns out those sculpting tools they sell are really helpful for well- sculpting!

But today....today she left me. She was packed up in a large box and slid into the back of a vehicle and transported to her new home for the next two and half weeks. She made the journey quite nicely. I, however, have aged a decade- from nerves alone. A years worth of work- late, late hours, a house neglected, a family perhaps neglected (they still love me- I think) thrown in the back and driven way.

The neglected family looks well, considering.

I however, am tired and a little loopy.

It will be interesting to see what the next two and a half weeks bring! Thanks for bearing with me during my absence :) It will be just awhile before blogging gets back to normal. I'll keep you posted as to what goes on at Art Prize. Tonight I went to an opening party that seemed pretty benign- until the man who wore a suit coat and a tangerine skirt with matching pumps showed up. Yep. You can always count on a cross dresser to liven things up! Artists!

2011-09-13T20:39:00.000-07:00

Four Days. F-O-U-R.

I am experiencing a "letting go" ness with the sculpture. I know that she is done. Well, she has to be, I'm out of time. But a calm secure feeling of "she's done, really- she is and its time to just add some finishing touches." No more changes, no color additions or re-painting. She's done.

This has been quite the journey- some where in the doodles came a concept. The concept intrigued me- could I do this? This amount of difficulty and detail, not to mention the size of it? Somewhere along the way another question was answered and then a realization of the question itself. Could I do this and by doing so consider myself, finally, an artist? Was it a test? Not really. More of a struggle between my intrinsic self doubt and a conflicting whisper of a belief that yes, I already was an artist so being was just a matter of transition- transition of belief over doubt.
But the proof stands before me waiting for me to believe. And, while I know I believe its a huge jump from wanting to be (a real grown up artist!!!) and actually being one. What are the expectations of one after they become an artist (let themselves be an artist)???? Will I be harshly disappointed with the reality of being an artist or will my heart sing like I think it just might? Hmmmm....its scary and delicious all at once.

Child Labor Becomes Acceptable to Over Worked Mom- news at 6:00

2011-09-11T17:01:00.000-07:00

I didn't think I was a proponent of child labor but it turns out I am. I'm tired. My house is dirty. Places that we bathe need to be cleaned. "Brooke!" I say "Grab the scrubbing bubbles spray stuff and some paper towels or an old wash cloth- you decide- and clean the outside of the toilet." We like scrubbing bubbles in this house so at first I had a positive reaction. But which? the washcloth or the paper towels? "I'd do the first go round in paper towels, if I were you, cuz you can throw those away. Then use real hot water on the other...but you decide...however you do it is fine....."

"Wait......" Dang it, I knew this was coming. My Brookie is a smart cookie. "Do you mean the part where people sit down?"

Now, wait- before you get all worried- of course I won't have them handling actual toilet bowl cleaner because everyone knows that the minute you hand a minor a bottle of lye that they will trip over their own feet and spill it in their eyes- C'mon, I've seen every scary movie there is and even put together a few screenplays in my imagination! Scrubbing bubbles are relatively harmless and fun.

"Honey....I know just how you feel. When the people at the hospital were sending me home with a new baby (you) they said I had to clean you. Of course I was excited and said I would....and then I said...Wait! Do you mean the parts where the.........come out?"

"And they said 'yes' even those parts. So I did.... but I do know how you feel honey. Now, get to it!" Which she did and then three hours later I re-did it because really, in terms of clean.....I think she found a way to clean the toilet from two rooms away, if you know what I'm sayin'.

Seven Days......S-E-V-E-N and I'm tired!!!!

Its officially a countdown!

2011-09-08T17:42:00.000-07:00

Art prize begins Sept. 21 @ 6:00p.m. My install appointment is Sept 18th at 2:00 pm. I have 11 days. Eleven. E-l-e-v-en. Just so you know- I can't breathe.

Please stand by!

2011-08-23T17:18:00.000-07:00

I'm working so hard! I could cry- I'm so tired! Deadlines are approaching fast! I start teaching Monday. Prepped? I'll sweat that out this weekend. Art Prize....

The sculpture will be "installed" Sept 19th. Less than a month. Now factor in school starting up for the youngins', the whole college bit, a bathroom re-model that had to happen..... and...all the things I have to get done....school bus schedules...daycare changes... hot lunch forms....

and you'll see why there have been no posts from me! Please hang in there....I don't mean to neglect you.....

The Promise Keeper

2011-08-10T06:56:00.000-07:00

Remember the doll with the cage on her head? This is a different version of her as I alluded to in my last post. This is my entry for the bottle doll challenge- because I am such a good time manager- I don't really need to pay bills or clean my house or raise my children- do I??? So, she is ready to mail off and we will see if ADQ likes her.....I titled her "The Promise Keeper" as she looks like she's carefully guarding the contents of her bottle. Good girl! Don't let too much of that stuff out at once!

This is a perfume bottle that I had in my collection. At one point I thought I would 'collect' things. Then I realized that I'm not really a collector. "Things" hanging around kind of bother me. Too much clutter in my head to have clutter in my house.

People have been giving me old jewelry for my kids to play with and of course I scope it out first. The silver and white rope-ish thingy is a perfectly awful bolero someone once wore- a lot...I had to repaint the silver and clean up the white leather.....makes me cringe imagining the rest of the outfit?

The starbursts? Well, have you ever noticed the hangers on Christmas ornaments? If you flatten them out they are really quite attractive on their own....see, its not what something is- its what it could be...ask me about Headless Amy sometime...

Jewelry findings and corsage pins and a little paint made up her brooch. Oh! And wire armature- love that stuff! It can be bent and stretched and folded and crunched...love it!

That brown metal is florist wire- a new thing some clever person came up with. Very bendable. I bought it because I knew I'd use it some day....

I'm working on developing a process wherein the skin of the doll looks like old fashioned enamel dolls or like the finish on carousels.... working on it anyhow....

More jewelry from the pile. This heart looked like something Cleopatra would have worn. Shiny gold with black stripes. Not any more. I painted it and dipped it in those tiny glass beads....not sure what they are called...not drilled, too tiny....

And so there she is....hope you enjoyed her...now she has to get packaged up so she won't break during shipping...good thing I have 20+ years of retail experience- knew it would come in handy...know how to package something really well and if you combine that with my design skills I ought to be able to fashion a really sweet house out of a cardboard box for my retirement. Kids- go into the medical field.......I'm just sayin'....

A Little Summer Fun Followed By A Little Summer Anxiety!

2011-08-02T20:03:00.000-07:00

Yep. Got a little goin' on...

First off-

Anything to keep these two busy!

Very first overnight camp- thought I'd be really anxious.

Turns out- not so much!

A few family reunions

with a few too many pictures taken....

A little surf and sand and a husband who says "Back up...I'll get the bay in the background." Hmmm ... looks like we're in the background and those flip flops are are pretty much the focal point of this picture. No wonder I'm always behind the lens!

Did I mention- ANYTHING TO KEEP THESE TWO BUSY????

There's been some art....

And then there's this lady. This is the final on her face-

because if I don't get this done....

Their gonna lock me away in the funny house!

Oh yeah, because I just don't have enough going on....

Remember this? The birdcage never quite made it on this lady's head but.....I did not throw it out. Actually I lost it and finally found it under the treadmill when I was dusting.

And how I decided that my personal style was "Art Noveau-ish"????

Well, there's a little project going on for a submission in Art Doll Quarterly....if it gets done and mailed to arrive by Sept. 15th.

Now back to feeding my anxiety...(Kidding, I'm not anxious, seriously, one little comment about twisting someone's blobby little head off their blobby little shoulders and placing it elsewhere in their anatomy and suddenly you're the talk of the family reunion!!!)

We did not know this would happen....

2011-07-22T07:48:00.000-07:00

when we woke up that morning! We went to an appointment and stopped by a fabric store to look for upholstery remnants for a client of mine. Of course we had to stop and look at the fabric that you can make quick little sundresses out of...its so cool! Its already gathered at one end and literally all you have to do is sew a side seam and sew a bottom seam and viola`- you have a dress. But after handling it for a few minutes I sigh and tell the girls that, if only they had a different mother....they could, indeed, have a cute little sundress. But- sewing and I don't mix. Its the foot pedal mostly. I go from 0 to 60 on that thing and there's no in between. I also go from 0 to b_ _ _ _ _ real fast when I try to sew. Nope, not a good mix.

But today as a put the fabric down a lady walked over to me and said...."Did you know they are having free sewing lessons down the road- today? In half an hour?"

This is what ensued. A very kind lady, with the patience of Jobe, helped my kids learn to sew!

Brooke was sure she could not go near the needles. She said she would "LET" Kayla do it for her. But when I came back (early) to pick them up (rescue the poor fools who took my children and let me run away to get my hair cut) there was Brooke at a machine! Not afraid at all! I did help her finish because her stitches reminded me of a winding highway and I couldn't take it- damn perfectionist, I am.

This one was moving right along. She was a little high strung (like me when I attempt sewing before I remember why I don't do that craft) about it but still very intent on getting herself a new dress.

The ladies very kindly helped them get ribbon straps on the dresses. They claimed it was a fun day for them to have the girls around and asked us to come back next week. Oh, we'll be there. I need a three hour window of time where in I can shop for KILLER shoes for my 20th class reunion! And as I have learned the hard way- its better to have no witnesses to Mommy Spending Money!!!!

I know, I know!

2011-07-14T20:12:00.000-07:00

You know- SOME PEOPLE just don't know when they are being obnoxious. They just don't realize that its been all about them for way too long! Me, me, me- blah, blah, blah! Good thing I'm not one of those people! I'm fully aware I'm obnoxious! But I am too excited to use good judgement and blog about something else right now- or someone else... that would be nice, if I wrote about ANYONE besides myself, just once.....

but enough of that crap! I just want to show you one thing....one thing from five different angles! Why? Because I just can't believe how well HER FACE is turning out! (really- I'm even worried that I'll have a house fire or flood and all of this will be for nothing!) So enough talking- here's 5 different pics of the same thing. Tell me you think she's beautiful...I'll send a check in the mail, tomorrow, I promise.

Wait....you don't think she looks like the Virgin Mary do you? I hear there's been a lot of sightings lately. Hmm, art prize entry...or...newest way to prank people....oh, yes, I would. You betcha!

Progress!

2011-07-11T18:18:00.000-07:00

I've been busy adding color to this woman for the last two weeks. Remember I am not a painter! I might be a painter in training. Don't pay attention to her face- that's not war paint just some under shadowing of blue and green.

This is a long way from finished and I am not sure those flowers will stay red. What do you think? They sure look nice in this picture. I'm just not sure how they work in the overall scheme of things.

I love the front being green. I am planning on the flowers on the left staying salmon but the little ones on the right might end up orange to balance the red.

The Calla Lilies will stay the way they are or if anything might get a little creamier. The leaves are where the glass frit will lie. I'm playing around with the idea of adding sand at the bottom and tucking in some shells but....we'll see how it goes..

It really helps to see her in photographs. Its a different perspective. Right now I'm looking at the leaves above and realizing they can't all be the same color. Some will have to be lighter and some will need to be darker to create some visual interest or it will all look like a blob of green. Oh so much to learn.... in such a short time...yikes!

Hey- what does razor burn look like

2011-07-07T18:41:00.000-07:00

after its been sunburned? Well, on my inner thigh it looked like an uncomfortable conversation with a physician!
"C'mon Doc! You can tell me...is it SMALL POX? The BLACK PLAGUE? Flesh eating virus? Roseolla? Hepatitis C? Measles? Meningitis? Tetanus- quick tell me! I'm seizing up!"

"Ma'am....any chance it might be from shaving?"

"Well, if you want to stick your head in the sand and pretend there's nothing serious going on here then I suppose I may have shaved extra well for swimsuit attire."

"Any chance you may have...had to....umm, use the facilities...say outside while you were ....er, enjoying the holiday?"

"maybe."

"Near tall grass?"

Gasp!!! "Oh my GOD! I have Lymes disease!" Damn those wild animals in this woodland paradise!"

"Did you say in the woods?"

"Well, I did go kayaking. Not in the woods, of course, in the river but I visited the woods a few times."

Ma'am- I'm afraid...its either....poison ivy....."

GASP! "NO! Say it isn't so, I'm terribly allergic and will have to go on steroids which will make me bloat up like that dead fish I saw and right before the wedding next weekend! I'll be big, bloated and splotchy!"

"or...sunburned razor burn."

"Oh." " Yeah, it could be that."

Hope everyone had a great 4th of July! I'm hard at work getting color on the sculpture and it looks great but I have no time....to think of clever things to blog about!

I thought I could hack it....

2011-06-21T19:23:00.000-07:00

Going a week without posting....but I was wrong! The problem is that while I have been working my patootie off on the big little lady there's just not much to show for it.

Since you've seen her last she's gotten hair with stuff growing out of it. I've had some metal garland for years (I'm a pack rat, thanks parents of that generation!) and wove it in there along with some wired rope. Then I decided I needed way more leaves so I went to the hardware and bought aluminum flashing and spent hours cutting out leaves. I wasn't sure I even liked her "do" but its growing on me.

One thing was for sure I hated her hands. More specifically how huge I had made them. her delicate arms were attached to these huge clubs and I wasn't happy. After all, I wanted her to have thin arms and a thin neck so it wasn't like I could make them bigger! But- last week I did make those arms beefier and guess what? She looks good. Then I realized that her arms were always too thin and she looked skeletal. Soooo much better now! That's why I decided to fatten up her neck, too.

And guess what? It looks good! Still long, thin and elegant. Imagine that!

She got a ton of work done to her face, as well, although I don't know that you can see it in these pics. Her nose is much bigger- a real schnoz! Her lips are more defined and so are her eyes. I don't know if she's as beautiful with that big nose but she looks more realistic and seems to have her own personality.

But what's really been holding me up from visible progress is the costuming. I had these two unfinished area that really had me stumped. I really couldn't see myself adding any more flowers to the mix. It became a trailing vine on this side.

And this side? Well, remember the meds I was on for the vertigo? For a little while I thought she should have an animal by her side. But what would work against the dove she's already holding. A fox? A rabbit? A cat, a dog, a racoon, a duck? I knew it would have to be a baby deer. Then hours went into finding pictures of baby deer. Once in awhile the thought of a mermaid crept in. But eventually I stopped taking the meds and realized that if I want to get this done by August than I had better make a decision.

Now the other side of her gown matches the trailing vine. Quite pretty and I didn't have to segway off into sculpting animals. Whew!

At this point I have gone over all the glue joints with paper clay and am preparing to sand. Then- its onto painting and adding glass. Whew, again, the thought of that makes me sweat a little. Probably why I am putting off and blogging instead!

Oh! And another stumper! I 'came out' at work when I was able to announce that not only had I entered this competition but that I had a venue! But people started asking probing questions like- what is her name? How do I say "She hasn't told me that yet?" There were some Then someone said "well tell me what she's about..." "Errr, ummm....its kinda sorta about ....the essence of woman.....ish"

"Oh, so she's Mother Earth"

"NO, She's not Mother Earth." This I know.

Well, put that on the list of not quite, but still getting there- list of accomplishments. I listened to her really hard. Got out a thesaurus ( A great place to find sophisticated sounding words- its so cool how you look up a simple word and they group it with really complicated words that mean the same thing but sound smarter!) and started looking up words. For hours. Three beers later last Friday night I was on to something. A headache. And a couple of sentences that still looked good the next day. So-what do you think of this as a title???? No really, I'm asking.

Life Cycle; Bounty of Joy and Sorrow.

And I am working in the word "Equinox" into the description. See I had this powerful feeling that it would apply to her. After I looked it up on-line (Thanks, thesaurus, for not having that particular word in your book!!!) I found that it means a time when the sun hits the equator in such a way that the day and the night are exactly the same length of time all over the world.

Well, for her, it means that she is in a place in her life where she has just as much behind her as she does in front of her. (You know, 40ish!) TA- DAAH! The sculpture will be about her youthful dreams and hopes, coming into her power as a woman, realizing her potential to affect those that come after her and her duty to care for and respect those women that have gone before her. And so much more. Again- what do you think? Make sense or am I still having after effects of those meds?

One minute in the mind of a designer.

2011-06-15T20:03:00.000-07:00

Hey!!! You're CUTE! No! I mean it, YOU ARE DARLING! What are You doing in a dusty old place like this?

Let me get a look at you......

That shape! Your style- very haute couture! Did you used to belong to Jackie Kennedy? You look like you might have!

Truly, you are proof positive that great design withstands the test of time.

You know what? You are coming home with me- that's it, that's final, finnito! What? 5.00? Are these people crazy? Do they not know what they have here? Well, they do not deserve to have you in their presence, not one minute more.

Now, where will I put you? I know, the girl's room. No! Those beasts will defile you with stickers and grime. The bathroom? Hmm, won't fit. My room? You don't go with the decor. Of course I must re-decorate... Oh, wait, settle down, Chris!

Ok, let's just start with an introduction to the living room....

Did I mention how CUTE you were?

Its official! Art prize and me!

2011-06-12T07:54:00.000-07:00

I registered like I was supposed to- crossed my t's and dotted my i's. Filled out some forms on line (big feat for me) and uploaded some pictures. Then...I waited. It was now time for venue's and artists to make contacts to secure a venue. Venue being the establishment that would host your art during Art Prize. I waited. Not patiently. I had one in mind that I had been in contact with- actually I had my heart set on it from the moment I walked through the building last year. They did not contact me.

christine mikowski
Comstock Park, MI
United States

figurative sculpture
This unfinished, lifesize sculpture stands over 57" tall and approximately 30". She is made of paper mache` and wears a very dimensional gown of flora and fauna made from ...
Read more

Showing at Amway Grand Plaza Hotel

However, the Amway Grand Plaza did. "Well, that works!" I thought. I knew immediately where she should be and hoped that no other artist had taken the spot. They have a magnificent spiral stair with a lovely garden underneath it. I could just see her nestled in among the plants. She would be in the perfect, couldn't have imagined better, spot. My liaison agreed. It was actually a short meeting. I decided to treat myself to a coffee and sat in their outdoor cafe gazing at the skyline of my favorite city feeling the glow of knowing that for that moment everything was perfect and I was excitedly envisioning how the event would go. This was good, it was all good. Eventually I wandered home.

To find a message on my answering machine and in my inbox that I could definitely not put my sculpture in the garden, no way no how. I was crushed. Technical had vetoed it in a resounding way. There really was no other suitable spot. The artists were displaying in this large hall that was the lobby and main thorough fair. She needs to be seen from all the way around. She would have to be out in the traffic of all those people- I was sure that she would be toppled over the very first day.

But- I m a bit of a business woman, I am. (Really I can do this, I thought- problem solving is the true talent of a designer!) Could she be up on a platform? I asked. Not anything that would be tippy. Would she be cordoned off by ropes? No, but my poster and any information that I would provide would set her aside a little bit. (?What? I have to come up with propaganda? Geesh!) Could I create a backdrop of green plants to 'set her off' a bit. No, that would be a maintenance issue. It was starting to look like this wasn't going to happen at all. We even discussed other venues. It felt like we were both preparing to walk away.

I picked up the girls from school. Drove Kayla to an appointment which happened to be close to downtown. Decided to give the Amway another look see. I had in my mind that if the sculpture couldn't be in the garden could she be in front of it so at least there was the visual connection of the greenery. Was there room? Would she get toppled over like a mannequin left uncaring in the running of the bulls? Well, long story short- yes, she could go there and she may very well get run over. I have to be willing to take that chance. I have to trust.

So I called my liaison back with my idea. He said he'd have to run it by technical- i could tell he was gun shy to give me a yes answer. I started taking my laptop to work with my e-mail page up. To listen to music I said. Really it was to torture myself by checking it every two seconds. Yes, technical approved the location. Now it would have to go to the CEO and the president. Who were away on a golf outing. TWO business days of this and no answer. I was definitely cranky from the pins and needles I had been on since Monday.
Then the CEO approved it. Then a day later the president approved it. I was given the go ahead to click my "accept venue button" which I flubbed up three times!

But- I'm in, I have a home and I can relax now! By the way- the picture up above is me on the artist's lists. Me. On an artists list. A real one, not just one in my head.

I haven't been posting much in the way of art because I have to dedicate myself to getting this sculpture along a bit more. I figure that it will be over kill to post pictures of every little milestone- "look, she has eyebrows!" Especially with my propensity to overpost pictures:) -Eyebrow from the side, Eyebrow from the other side, eyebrow from above, turn off the flash and repeat same viewpoints....you understand how hard it is to restrain myself but I am. Hang in there though! It is just about time for an update.

Sometimes you need to take a break from art!

2011-06-04T06:29:00.000-07:00

And do more ART!!! Ha! Gotcha! I've been addicted to this paper mache', figurative sculpting, art doll craziness for awhile now- its no secret! But I do other stuff, too. Besides yelling at kids because I'm washing clothes that aren't dirty but its easier to stuff them in the laundry than hang them up- I do other stuff.

I'm sharing this project with you because it falls under the category of "if I can do this-you can do this". This lovely collage wall is part of my husbands pool room. (Which I completely take over as my studio on a regular basis- "HELLLLOOOO!")

I have a ton of photos from when we used to live in a tiny house on a beautiful river. When our number of residents in that house became 4 it was necessary to sell it and buy a larger house not on water. I miss that river.

I wanted to incorporate this history from our old life into our new life and hubby's pool room seemed like an ideal spot. Frames however did not seem right- too fussy for this really contemporary room and I had a lot of these photo's to use up.

I decided to try mounting them on canvas with gesso. But what to do around the edges? I knew the photo paper would not bend well and I did not want cracks in the surface with white paper showing through. So then this idea was born.

I glued the photo onto the canvas and then went over the surface of the photo with gesso to seal it. Depending on the picture itself I added a surface texture. On this one I wanted to emphasize the waves of the water. I wasn't crazy about the edge of the photo showing around the canvas which led to me using heavier gesso there to minimize it. Then, I got a little crazy and added color to the gesso and painted away the edge. In this instance I brought the color up into the painting around the edges and I really liked how it framed it.

I don't get everything right the first go round, just like everyone else. This winter scene had some issues with the artist cutting the picture a little too small. It works best if you take the picture right to the edge of the canvas. And then when I tried to use paint and gesso to disguise the edges- well lets just say I'm still learning about color. Again, this color change would be less noticeable if it occurred at the edge and then becomes the side of the canvas.

But honestly, it really looks better in real life than it does in this blog post. I wanted to show you where I went astray while figuring out this technique. I purposely chose the pictures that showed up the problem areas:)

Here's one where I got real crazy and I love it! I wanted to grow the picture longer but not taller. Plus, I'm impatient and didn't want to mess with having something re-developed. This was the view from my lawn. Because the trees were small in the picture I didn't have to be some great technical painter to get this to look realistic. I paid attention to light and dark and shape. I think it was important that the photo not be placed dead center in the composition either.

I used to walk this hill. Its the road down into our little area on the river. It is called "Devil's Hole" because its way down and in the morning the mist would be heavy on the water...beautiful and creepy!

In this one I used a more liquid finish because I didn't want the gesso to obscure the tiny detail. I also used some color on the surface of the photo. I don't know if you can see where. I think on some of the leaves to pop them out more. Again- there was some issue at the edges. If you are feeling like you don't want to try to match up colors I suggest that you use a contrasting solid color and either keep it on the side of the canvas or bring it up around the edges. Mostly I suggest that you don't be too hard on yourself:)

This one is another one that I wanted to make longer. I really used a heavy texture in the white area to simulate the snow and disguise the edge.

See how nice it looks all put together? You aren't really noticing the problem areas now, are you? How do you like my "hippie" sign? It cracks me up- sorry hippies!

I don't know if this falls under the category of photo art, photo collage, arts and crafts, mixed media or just plain fun! You decide.

So what do you think? Wanna give it a try?

Read this if you are thinking of eating your young.

2011-05-31T16:05:00.000-07:00

I should tell you the tooth fairy had to double her payout because she got distracted and forgot her duties. But this note was found next to the tooth. How sweet is this kid? Well, she does stuff like this all the time. That's how sweet. And she's my number one fan. But then I'm hers. The new music on the blog- first song is called Lullaby by the Dixie Chick (most likely the only country song ever to be found on my blog- I'm a rock and roll kinda girl) but the first time I heard it I fell in love and now I own my very own Country music CD. Listen to it- you'll tear up, I promise!

Short post I know, I'm very behind must catch up on other duties...

1. Vertigo- under control but it reminds me once in awhile its still lurking- like when I turn around real fast. 2. Art stuff.....working on Big Little lady but must wait to post. She has hair.

3. Do you like the new look on the blog? I have organized pages and who doesn't like organization????

4. Summer stuff- went Kayak-ing, took Kayla for her first time- she did well.

5. Storms every other day- argh! Washed out roads all over the place! Still better than so many others have it!

6. Must get on finding a venue for art prize- must! Ok, will check back!

Vertigo is not fun.

2011-05-22T18:49:00.000-07:00

It sounds sophisticated, though, doesn't it? But alas, unplanned vertigo is not fun. But the medicine they give you to fix it???? Lets just say it- I like it. I do.

I'm hoping I have to be on it for awhile even though several things are suffering.

1. My typing. Not good on a normal day, even more skittish these days. For instance, I am going backwards in my typing to delete just as much as I am going forward. Another for instance- the letter 'u' added to sophisticated makes it soup-histicated. Better or worse? You decide. And if you leave out the p in hoping- makes the word mean something entirely different than I intended. REALLY- this typing bit is hard!

2. Decision making. Not that I care if I actually make a decision- I don't. For instance it confuses my husband when I answer him like this. "maybe." "what do you mean? Do you want to or not?" "Maybe," I say. "Maybe I do, maybe I don't, I'm not sure.....but whatever, you decide- I'm ok with it, really, I'm ok" He took that as a yes, I know, you're surprised.

3. Decision making. I just had to leave you there for a minute to clean up dog urp. Who gave her fried chicken anyways? Everyone knows dogs can't digest that deep fried goodness. Oh that's right- I did. But it was good- I just thought she'd like a little.

4. Judgement. I know, it sounds a little like decision making. But this is something I am thinking of doing, I haven't done it yet so if I am totally off the planet here just tell me.

We have a huge patch of lawn that has been consumed by dandelions. The ratio of dandelions to blades of grass is overwhelming. As quickly as husband mows down a bunch of those white-seed-filled orbs a whole new crop appears- with in hours. I have an idea.

I think I am going to go out there with my little hand held vacuum and suck up all the puffy seed blossom things. What do you think? I realize that I'll have to do it more than once. My thought process is that I am creating a broken link in the chain of reproduction. Right? Like if all the rabbits are re-populating but unbeknownst to them the girl rabbits had some birth control pills mixed in with their pellets and a few rounds of baby rabbits never came to be- think how the rabbit population would change. So- do you think the vacuuming could work? Do you?

Hey folks-

2011-05-22T07:40:00.000-07:00

I'm working on a little re-design of the ole' blog. I want to include more readily accessible pictures of my art but can't decide if I want pages.... or slideshows or three columns vs. two...so bear with me while all of my personalities compete for some time in the spotlight. I'll reign them in after I know what the heck I'm doing!!! OOH- comments are welcome if you have any ideas how to make this site cooler- let me know ((I always wanted to be cool, I did, I was just pretending I didn't care......)

Finally finished, just in time!

2011-05-15T18:14:00.000-07:00

For the Cloth and Clay group's Story Book Challenge I chose Sara Crewe from A Little Princess by Frances Hodgson Burnett. The story is about a the daughter of a diamond mine owner who sends Sara to a seminary for young girls in England. Things change suddenly when the diamond mines stop producing and believing he has lost everything Sara's Father falls ill and dies. Sara is left orphaned and must live as a servant in the seminary where she is mistreated and neglected. Things seem to be at their very worst when a mysterious stranger brings a little magic into Sara's life.

I quickly realized that as a little girl I loved the whole story. All the characters had a place in my heart, each chapter was a story in itself- a little gem in just those few pages.

This little monkey that Sara is holding brings the story to its lovely conclusion. It belongs to the neighbor, who, is in fact searching for Sara. He is the business partner of Sara's father. When his partner discovered the mines were indeed not failed he spared no expense looking for Sara, including moving to England in hopes of finding her.

When the news came that Sara's father had died and the mines were in ruins the mean Miss Minchin made Sara put on her oldest black dress and made her move into the attic. Sara was wise beyond her years and I tried to create a sense of this in her big grey/green eyes.

When Sara came to the girls seminary she had trunks and trunks of clothes and wanted for nothing. Later, in the attic, she made friends with the birds on the roof when she would open the skylight to see the stars.

Emily is Sara's only possession after her father died. Emily was a gift from her father, meant to be a companion while she was in boarding school.

Mysteriously, one day packages arrived addressed to the little girl in the right hand attic. They were new clothes and warm coats for Sara to wear. This was part of the "magic" that had recently begun to happen, right under Miss Minchin's own roof.

This is the back side of the sculpture. It tells the story on every side. Because, for me reading the book was so enjoyable it felt necessary to include a representation of a hard cover. I used a photograph of my Sara for the cover and wrote a summary of the story for the back cover. The book is open to my favorite story from the book. Overworked and practically starving Sara finds a fourpence in the gutter while she is running errands for Miss Minchin. She enters a bakery to buy herself some buns and finds a starving homeless girl shivering on the steps of the bakery. She ends up giving all but one of her buns away to the beggar girl. The baker, seeing this through the window invites the beggar girl in and feeds her.

This creature reading my favorite part of the story is Melchisdec. He lives in the walls of the attic and, like the sparrows on the roof, Sara makes friends with him.

So this is my entry for the challenge. All done with the exception on one lonely bakery bun to go in the basket by Sara's feet. Hope you like her! (And her hair -its the first time I have ever worked with a real wig or weft as its called. It wasn't easy!)

Meet Emily. She has Rosacea.

2011-05-09T10:06:00.000-07:00

Isn't she precious? I thought so, last night. So, after she dried and just before I toddled off to bed at midnight I snapped these pictures. If I had one detraction last night it would have been that Emily looks a little forlorn. She's not supposed to be. She's a doll. She should have that blank doll-face look to her.

But this morning it became evident as to why she was sad. Her creator gave her Rosaecea. OOPS! My eyes just have not been working well late at night or early in the morning.Her little cheeks are mottled and splotchy! Darn it! That's something I'd like to fix, by re-painting, before the hair was glued on.

Here's Emily and a group of friends in process. There's a rat who has a monkey on his back. Really. And three cute birds. What is this motley crew?

Well, in my Cloth and Clay group I am participating in a story book challenge where-in you create your version of your favorite story book character. You may remember from earlier posts wherein I went off on a bender sculpting head after head, in search of my Sara Crewe from 'A Little Princess' I spent so long on that part of the process that now I am burning the midnight oil to get this done in time.

This adorable rat is Melchisdec. I have no idea how to pronounce that. I believe it is French and if any of my followers can help me with that pronunciation I would be ever so grateful.

And this young lady- well she no longer looks like this. Her dress, sadly is grey with only a slight undertone of that turquoise left. I found the perfect hair today at a little wig shop. The shop was stuffed to the brim with what I can only assume were close outs and bargain buys. It was interesting. And so was the language barrier between the ever so cheerful owner and I. I asked if he ever had wool that I could use for my doll's hair. After I spelled it out for him, w-o-o-l, he asked me if it was for my vacuum. After I used the word- 'yarn', he politely told me he did not sell sweaters. I said "Thank you. Have a nice day." He told me I should go to the beach. It is a really nice day- I wish I could take him up on that.
Hey- I have to make an appearance at work. I hope you have a really nice day and if it includes a beach- more the better!

Our Tea Party

2011-05-01T20:31:00.000-07:00

To celebrate the wedding the girls and I had a tea party. NOT at 5:00 A.M. on a school day mind you.

No, thanks to modern day technology we taped the wedding and watched it Sunday Evening. I tried really hard not to peak at the dress on the news...I failed. But for everything else I did really well at keeping things 'MUM'. Speaking of 'Mum'- loved the queens choice of yellow. She was so cute!

Decorations were purchased. I kept the budget to twenty dollars. I kept reminding myself that my Grandmother served tea and toast fingers at Diana's wedding and it left very fond memories in my heart.

This guest just returned from Horse Camp. She had more fun than legally allowed. She bounced back and forth between glee and tears as she described her horse 'Leroy' and pledged her undying love to him.

This pretty damsel had all of her lovely locks cut off while she and I hung out for the weekend.

As it always surprises me- they were happy to see each other after a short weekend apart.

Kayla likes tea. She is after all from my side of the family.

This one- not so much for the tea but all cheese for the camera.

We lifted our gold glittery champagne flutes in a toast to tea and Royalty. Leroy- or his avatar joined us.

We complimented each other on our gowns and tiaras. Truly a great tea party- I hope.

And then we had hot dogs for supper.

Must...study..for....

2011-04-25T20:15:00.001-07:00

final ...exam..in auto cad. Be right back.....soon....
By the way....I'm having a tea party with my girls for the royal wedding...how about you?

Whew hoo! I'm in!

2011-04-20T20:43:00.000-07:00

The other day I picked up my mail and found this...

And I was a little sad because I have been waiting for some kind of notification.... a yes or a no. I had submitted a tiny doll for the tiny doll challenge. I waited paitiently. It killed me. No e-mail. No returned package. No Dear John letter.

So when I realized the issue with the challenge results had arrived my heart sunk a little. I guess that was my notification. My tiny submission would probably be returned to me shortly. I would have to decide to buck up and remember you get a lot of no's before you get a yes.

But in typical Chris fashion I had to peruse ADQ before I even got out of the car. Yes, its that bad for me....I have no will power.... I have to give it a look over......I mean really, they had me at the cover! That's artist Sherri Debow's art work. All I can say to describe it is wow! The detail, the concept, the color palette- I'm in awe. Plus we're both members of Cloth and Clay Dolls, so not to brag but its almost like we're buddies. Well....ok, that may be a stretch! But whatever- she's fabulous!

So here's the spread on the Tiny Doll challenge. I gave it a glance. And then- another and then I screamed and scared the beJeezus out of the girls in the back seat. Because tucked in real close to the centerfold.....

was Emmaline and Pernella! In print! Me! My work! Someone liked it enough to photograph it and publish it!

And then....I saw this....

and screamed again.....and my girls asked "Mom....can we get out of the car now? You're scaring us."

I called my friends and screamed in their ears. They were happy but deafened. Thankfully, I remembered my manners enough to ask about them and their lives so they still even like me. I had to take the magazine with me when we went to swim lessons at the Y. I used the bike whatchamacallit machine so that I could read the magazine while pretending to exercise. My knees are killing me because I was on it for 1/2 an hour and that's a mean thing to do to out-of shape knee caps! Don't worry- I wasn't feeling any pain I was too busy petting my ego!

And here is lovely Emmaline and her steadfast companion Pernella. I am sure she is on her way back home to me. We'll be glad to see her. And yes, I'm still jumping up and down with happiness!

Its the small moments that get me....

2011-04-17T21:21:00.000-07:00

I thought the top moment of the day would be the moment I realized that my husband's tall truck wasn't going to fit under the bumperguard of the parking ramp. The one that said "Maximum height 6'3". The same one that had just bent his antenna into the shape of a banana. "Crap!" I thought. I won't fit and I'm only 2' away from being wedged under level six of the Community College parking ramp. "Crap!" I thought again. "That means I have to back up! Crap!" As I looked around I realized I was literally between some rock (OK, concrete) and a hard place (more concrete) I had just rounded a corner in his big red truck, right before I drove it under the bumperguard.

It had already been a long day and I had just about had my fill of lovely adventures. Actually I was in 'numb' mode. Sometimes my life gets away from me and it gets so unbelievably convoluted that I can't even afford to get upset. I have to just put my head down and continue to move forward. This would be one of those days.

So I rammed that gear shaft (OK, that makes me giggle- it sounds naughty)into reverse and backed that baby (er, if by baby I mean baby elephant) right into a vacant spot that was really meant for a compact. "Bite me"- I said mentally to anyone who might have a comment. I've earned that spot and compact is relative. That truck is small compared to a semi- so bite me.

Once the bumper hit the concrete behind me I knew I was parked just as efficiently as I could be. I put one hand into the handle on the ceiling and lowered myself down. This would be a good time to mention that I'm 5'-3" and this truck is built for a man, a manly man! I can attest to this by the ritual I go through every time I have to drive the truck. I start by putting one leg up over my ear to reach the floorboards and grab the steering wheel and hoist myself in. Its graceful, believe me. Then I adjust the seat by use of the handle under the seat which quickly propels me (again, I might be carrying a few extra pounds but this truck is made for a manly man and my weight doesn't really slow that seat down) forward and rams my knees right into the steering column. After I swear a few times in pain and angst as I remember that I swore that would never happen again- I put the truck into reverse to get out of the drive. Then the truck stalls because I can't look over my shoulder and keep my foot extended far enough to keep the clutch in. More swearing and less looking behind me as I back up. That's how my driving experience starts out in "Big Red" "the truck built for a man".

Well, howdy, why am I driving the big red truck? Maybe because after my in-laws drove away with my kids that morning I discovered I had a dead battery in my car. Looking around for a solution I found I had to choose between attempting to jump the battery or (yeah, me and battery cables? Seen a few too many horror movies where people get electrocuted and their eyeballs popped out- sorry for the graphics but that explains why I chose...) to drive the big red truck to work. The truck won. By the end of the day I would say the truck was definitely the winner.

I strode across the parking lot of the college ('strode' because I just got out of a big red truck like the kind cowboys would drive) Well..okay it was more like a crippled run with a lot of dodging around because I was looking for mud puddles.

What? Yep, that's what I said. See, I had a problem. My boots (ankle high, not cow girl) were covered in mud. Clay, to be precise, thick wet clumpy clay. Inches of clay, mounds of clay, clumps of clay. I could not enter a building like this. I can take a lot of funny looks but...I was not up for leaving parcels of dirt on the floor as my boots dried. This was a predicament that should be easily solved this rainy spring. I found two puddles but wouldn't you know it- they were not the usual deep ponds I had spent the winter jumping over in effort to keep my feet dry. No- of course not, as today I would have gladly frolicked like a newborn duckling even with the college students looking on. But I tried. And I did get a comment or two. Again- numb- go ahead, make your comments, people, I don't know you, you don't know me so therefor- no witnesses. Plus, I'm 40-something, you are 20-something, bite me.

I know, you are confused- why so much mud on my pretty little feet? I hesitate to go into it all, it makes me tired. Maybe first I should tell you that to solve the problem I ducked into the ladies room (hmm, not such lady like behaviour coming up here..) and hoisted my feet up into the sink and washed clay down their sink. It was not the kindest thing I have ever done but again- no witnesses, no crime. God, by now my poor inner thighs had had more exercise than they had since I was a newly-wed.

Then, I very calmly made my way down the hall and joined my class already in progress and looked around at my fellow classmates and thought- yeah, go ahead, tell me your problems, children. I've got a clay covered boot with your name on it. By then, I really just wanted to plop my butt down and interrupt the teacher and say "Can we just talk about my day for a few minutes and then we can do this other computer stuff?"

Oh, the clay...where did it come from? The driveway,of course! Or the place where the driveway will be once it stops raining and they put one in. Not at my house, at the job site. The job site where I put the dimensions down on the floor for the cabinets that we'll be installing. The big expensive house we're working on with the really ornery builders. Except that one of the dimensions I put down was wrong. And, I discovered that this very morning that I drove the big red truck in to work. And, it was an important dimension. Electric would be run according to that dimension.

It was a long day. I had decided not to tell my boss because I could fix it right? As of now it was just a mark on the floor- completely fixable. But it made me nervous as I waited for the day to end so that I could run over to the job site and fix 'the problem'. I did my best to remain calm but I think I may have twitched a few times in angst.

When I got to the job site I fell out of the truck and started down the drive. I didn't get far before I realized there was another problem. Soft, squishy, wet clay was everywhere. Thick, oozing clay lay between me and solving the problem. "Crap!" I said but I was not deterred. I sized up the situation and located the highest points and set out. I kid you not- my feet sunk into the clay up to my ankles. It struck me that I was on a deserted jobsite out in the country side- no other houses in the development and no one- not one single person knew that I was there. So, if I became stuck in the quicksand-like mud I might just be there until the morning when the construction crew drove up. I realized this was not the smartest idea I had ever had. But on with it! I hopped, jumped and tiptoed my way up to garage. Whew! I was in. That trek was something right out of a Indiana Jones movie.

I'd like to say that I solved "the problem" but...I didn't. Even though there was a roof on the structure we'd had monsoon like rains that weekend that had come down practically sideways and in through the windows. My markers wouldn't work on the subfloor. I had no pencil. I had no spray paint. The incorrect dimension would have to remain. "Crap!" I said. All that jumping and hopping through mud for nothing. And now I'd have to do it again before I would arrive safely at the big red truck. "Crap!" I said because it seemed to fit the moment.

So to put all the pieces of the puzzle together- the day started with a dead battery causing me to choose to drive (well, I claim to be the driver but I never really feel like I'm in charge when I'm behind the wheel of that thing) the big red truck. Not long after starting the work day I discovered my treacherous error and decided to quietly fix it rather than divulge my ineptness causing an eight hour day of angst and twitching as I tried to maintain a calm exterior. After work I drove the big red truck with much gusto to the job site where I quickly remembered why I am a designer who draws houses and not a builder who actually physically builds houses. After my thwarted attempt to make 'the problem' disappear I again pretended to drive that big honkin' truck to the community college and almost- almost ripped the top off of it in the parking ramp. Then I perpetrated a future drain blockage in the women's bathroom of the community college.

Yep, that's the day in the life of an interior designer. Anyone signing up for design school today?

Who's stalking you now?

2011-04-11T14:22:00.000-07:00

Me!!!! That's who! I got wireless internet today and now....no one is safe! I will be visiting your blogs and leaving comments like that crazy neighbor lady who won't mind her own business!!!!!! Fair warning everyone- I'm back and in full on internet mode!!!!!

Proof of life.

2011-04-03T17:38:00.000-07:00

I offer these two pictures as proof of life or existence of Sara Crewe; character doll for the storybook character challenge on Cloth and Clay dolls. You know, the one I'm hosting. Unfortunately, while other clever sculptors and doll artists have been astounding me with their talent- I, I have been blocked, stymied, unproductive and generally less than successful. But not unproductive as I have created head after doll head in attempt to recreate the Sara Crewe I see in my head. Apparently my head doesn't explain things well to my hands. Or my hands don't carry out direction well. Anyways, here is head number seven...

attached to a body.....

and thus it begins....the end to the madness... a clear (I hope) path to follow.

And then there were hands...creepy hands.

2011-03-28T09:51:00.000-07:00

I'm at an awkward spot on the big little lady sculpture. (and yes, on other fronts, I haven't made a decision on a doll head but instead have made two more) I want to start working on the glass portion of her gown. Because--- it will be spectacular fun with amazing results! Or a complete disaster. Either way, the anticipation is killing me.

But I can't start working on the glass until I have all sanding and messy stuff done. Who wants dusty glass, right? I must buckle down and do some hard things first. Like the hands. I don't know how to do hands of this size- haven't done it before. But I think...they should have some fair amount of detail and be somewhat realistic don't you?

The fun part of sculpture is building the skeleton. Because--- it gets covered up in the end people don't know if you used wire and tape or tape and a milk jug to get the shape you wanted. There's green for you- reduce, re-use and re-cycle! When ever I paint I save all that tape left over for later use in my sculptures- love it, it works perfectly! And it makes me feel better about the paint buckets I just added to the local landfill.

Here are the hands...kind of creepy, right? So, of course, I scared my children with them, repeatedly. Ah, the memories I'll have to look back on.

Then I had to attach them to big little lady's stumps. More creepy stuff. Had to shorten the stumps a little. I cringed and said to her- "Really, no one is getting hurt here but this is gross. Hope the neighbors don't choose this moment to start spying through windows!"

And then I said "Ok, this will hurt me more than it hurts you...especially if I slip..."

And then she had hands!

I added paper clay to flesh them out. At first they looked like noodles. They were skinny and perfectly posed. Hmmm. I put the bird in place and it didn't fit. So I took a couple of those skinny noodle fingers and broke them in several places. Again with the comments- "Why couldn't you just co-operate? Why do you make me do these bad things? I am not a monster! Really, this is for your own good!"

The bird was once again positioned in place and strapped in for safety. We all remember its other attempt at flying, right? Not happenin' again. The fingers were positioned better and then the cracks were filled in.

These fingers are much less perfect and much more realistic. No longer am I reminded of my mother washing dishes with yellow rubber gloves.

As a matter of fact, I am so happy with them I will post many more pictures than necessary to tell the story.

Ahh- the power of being in charge of your own blog.....

Ok, I'm done. And mostly the hands are as well. The arms, the neck, the face- probably not worth a post. But the hair.....you will share in that journey with me...
Ok, must go. Just realized I have a new follower making her #60! Yay! But now I have to stalk her and find out just who she is!!!! Have a great day, all!

Folks- if you ever needed proof that I'm insane....

2011-03-18T12:42:00.000-07:00

Hey I belong to this fabulous group of artists called Cloth and Clay Dolls. All kinds of figurative works by all kinds of people. And...recently I decided to host a challenge wherein by a given date "we" those of us who decide to, create a doll based on a favorite childrens story book character. Easy enough- I chose my favorite "A Little Princess" by Francis Hodges Burnett. Nope, not so easy. Once in awhile I go completely crazy and this is one of them. I'm on #6 for doll heads. So far not one of them 'feels' like my Sara Crewe. To prove that I've really done six- here are the first five. If you'd care to vote on which one you like (but please tell me why) please do so....

>
Are you Sara Crewe? The famous Sara Crewe of 'A little Princess" by Francis Hodges Burnett? She must be here somewhere.

Why no, I am not. My name is Immogene or something very sophistacted like that. I'm French, like Sara, whose mother was French. Can't you tell I'm French by my pouty lips? But no, not Sara.

Are you Sara?

Why no, Honey, I am not. Did Sara ever have this goofy smile of joy on her pretty little face? Oh no, she is much more serious than I.

Are you Sara?

No, Sweet child, I am not Sara. I am more like that soft breeze you feel on a hot day. I am celestial and ethereal but I am not Sara.
(Ok, what-ever, Earth Goddess- Geesh!)

ARE YOU SARA?
Who me? Heck no, I'm way too contemporary. I haven't decided if I am a hippy or a city chick but one thing is sure...I'm not sticking around some uptight school for girls! My boyfriend is picking me up on his Harley soon or I'd help you look! Good luck with that!

(Fine, but there was a time when you looked like George W. Bush and maybe I should have left you that way!)

Are you Sara....and before you answer just know that I'm thinking of quitting art altogether and going into nursing....

Oh....just maybe you ARE Sara...nice to meet you. Would you like a neck and perhaps some shoulders? When is the deadline for this challenge? I wish I knew someone who could extend it!

You know its bad when you ask your kid to look sad while you take her picture. Thank goodness this one is a drama queen who was all in for the acting bit!

Here's a bit of beautiful...

2011-03-14T08:10:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was so hormonal! Know how I know? Well, I was finally tying myself down and following through on a commitment- it killed me it really did- and told myself I would do this floral arrangement- its beyond the 'comfortable late zone' and fully into the 'awkward late zone'. Not that any one has complained about it- just those insidious voices in my head. So I was doing it, today!!! This morning!!! Getting it out of the way so I could move on to things I really wanted to do- like my CAD homework.

So round about 4:30 5:00 I grabbed a bunch of the artificial (I would call them silk but we all know they are made from a cheap polyester at best- maybe a rayon- the days of 'silk' flowers are long gone but it does sound better....) Looked down at their infinite fake-ness and decided that they were "so very beautiful- enough to make me cry!" The colors- that creamy vintage-y vanilla-ish cream! That deep, mysterious, turquoise-ish blue! The vibrant burnt orange- the perfect compliment....ahhh....really, I still want to tear up.

Then I asked just who the hell was talking in my brain? These were fake flowers I bought at Hobby Lobby not some one's new born child!!! Oh my, she's gone round the florist bend and might never come back!!!

So here's how the arrangement went...its probably a good thing they weren't edible...there would be no arrangement and a lot of explaining to do!

Have a great day every-one! I still have CAD homework to do, I am still making doll heads for the Cloth and Clay doll challenge because apparently I am not really an artist and I can't make a Sara Crewe head to save my life. I'm on #5 now. Its bad. I'm in that zone where I go slightly crazy and need a sane person to throw me a rope and drag me back to shore. I did this with my baby nursery. I tried to have the perfect theme of jungle animals and flowers and bugs because I couldn't decide on just one theme. I painted the room three times. I shopped every lunch hour for the perfect fabrics. I tried so hard to meld the two themes that I became possessed and it started affecting my sales pitches at the carpet store. "Why, yes, this is the perfect carpet....for me. For my baby's room. It will go perfectly with yellow giraffes and orange daisies. Oh- your boat? I dunno- go to our outlet, throw some remnant in there! Its just a boat!" One wonders why I was not a success....
Oh yeah, I was leaving....

Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure- substitute other names...

2011-03-09T19:47:00.000-08:00

I know, I know, I've been gone a long time! But here's a little snapshot into my life....
I don't advertise that I'm an interior designer- a whole lot, anyways. People think this and people think that....and my blog is not about my professional work life. Actually, I try not to let 'professional' become a personal descriptor. I find it limiting and boring. But once in awhile I do have some interesting adventures to share and this is one of them.

My firm, which shall remain anonymous due to any conflicting legalities, recently was involved in a 'spec project'. We designed the interior of a home on a very nice golf course, the home itself was designed by a premier architect and built by well renowned builders. We designed the kitchen, bathrooms, office space, laundry space, designed details such as mantels, paneling treatments- you name it, we designed it! And if it was designed by us- it was drawn by me. When it came time to stage the house I tried not to be involved. I can stage like nobody's business but having done it before I already know how physically hard, and time consuming it is. Plus, there can be personality confilicts (imagine that) between designers and feelings can get hurt. So really, I was not interested. I was however drafted to go on one trip when my boss was out of town and progress had to be made. So here is the story of my trip, in a U-haul, with a 19 year old who could be my little brother and a 16 year old who had no idea what was in store for him being at my mercy for almost two hours both ways.

This is Mike. He is the designated driver- both ways. I've driven a u-haul before for this job and it re-inforces that sometimes you just have to say "NO. I did not hire in for this." Kinda like when I spent six months not delivering messages because I did not want to be turned into the receptionist.

This is "the other Mike". He's sixteen so I did not feel that I should divulge any other personal information. Plus- teenagers! They are so sensitive! Look at his face- you can tell he didn't approve of having his pic taken. If only he knew what was coming up.

After the world's quickest run into Wendy's we hit the road. By this time the "other Mike" realized he'd left his coat at Wendy's and my cell phone was missing. It later turned up under Mike's butt. Thanks- and interesting- how I could not hear it ringing and he could not feel it vibrating.

Now, I think ahead. A victim of motion sickness I started taking Bonine days ahead so I was fine. But, also ahead of time I started making a top ten list. I'm somewhat famous for my David Letterman type top ten lists. I let the boys have one rule each because I'm nice like that. Here they are.

#1 and 10, (easy enough, right? See, thinking ahead.)
What happens in the U-haul STAYS in the U-haul.

#2 I'm in charge until I say Mike is in charge which will happen right about time to unload. I can re-voke Mike's in-chargeness at any given time. The "other Mike" will never be in charge because he's the youngest and that's just how the world works. The youngest is never in charge.

#3 Eyes straight ahead. We're three white people in a U-Haul. It already looks bad.

#4 When the cop asks- if he's old and fat- I'm your Mother and we're moving to Texas to be with your Dad. When the cop asks- if he's young and reasonably fit- I'm your cute older sister and we're just moving into the area.

#5 No talk of sports. If the discussion does turn to sports I will immediately share with you my one and only experience of birthing a child. Enough said.

#6 If anyone farts we don't talk directly about it. We use the code words "white fluffy bunny" and immediately roll down the windows.

#7 By Mike "Nobody passes this U-Haul"

#8 By the "other Mike" Oops, I can't remember right now...

#9 Potty stops whenever Chris needs them and as often as Chris needs them.

#10 Same as #1, What happens in the U-Haul- stays in the U-Haul!

This is the kitchen of said 'spec house'. If I drew it once I drew it ten times. I knew every dimension by heart. The cabinets are beautiful. They were made by the Amish. The range hood was designed by us as well as the island. Granite counters and butcher block top on the island. See the doors in the dining room? They open to a pantry closet. This is a relatively small house and the architect did not include a pantry. A house with this price tag must have adequate food and dish storage so this was our solution. How do you like that custom finish? Its yummy in person.

This is a shot of the entry into the living room. The paneling, real paneling, not the sheets that I gleefully tore from my parents walls, runs up the wall to about 5'-6" and really sets the tone for the house.

I love how the bedroom turned out. I didn't truthfully have much to do with it but I think its stunning- quiet and serene. My employer selected the upholstered bed and chairs. The view is of the golf course and stream that runs behind the home.

We incorporated built-ins wherever we could. Before you think we are too crazy talented- we copied this closet/bench from a magazine. There's very few 'new' ideas in art or design. The talent comes in knowing the when, where and how and the execution. I think this is adorable.

On the way home our witty banter proved too much for the "other Mike" so he decided to duck out by taking a nap. Mistake? Well, a picture is worth a thousand words.

We got home late and real Mike had to get to night class so he paused the U-haul at the door of our store and I rolled out. It was an excellent adventure- I'm sure- for everyone.

That's only some of what I've been up to folks. I just can't seem to get at my computer right now except to check in with my cloth and clay dolls where I am hosting a challenge called "Childrens Storybook Characters" wherein you are supposed to create a doll based on a meaningful character from a loved child hood story. I have over 75 members and am having performance anxiety. I chose Sara Crewe from 'A Little Princess' but can't seem to capture her likeness. So far I have 4 doll heads to prove my ineptness. My true stroke of genius was when I realized that one looked more like George W. Bush than a girl child. Strangely, that is the one I decided to continue to develop. We'll see how this all turns out.

I know, I know....

2011-03-01T13:20:00.000-08:00

I can't grab a minute to blog but I want to! Can't wait to tell you about my excellent adventure with Bill and Ted- picture me, a 19 year old boy and a 16 year old boy in a u-haul on a delivery an hour and 40 minutes away! I've got pics of that and the beautiful 600,000. house we were staging for presentation. I went to friend Kristi's scrap for just a short while and of course...art stuff and me- frazzeled ole'me. Hang in....please....

Yes, I Stole Her Birthday.

2011-02-21T08:57:00.000-08:00

If I could get my dial up to wander over to Chinamommy's site I'm sure I would find mention of how I stole her birthday luncheon and made it all about me. What ever whiny stuff she wrote be assured she's being way too kind. I hi-jackd her day. I falsely presented the idea that we would be gathering so that I could present her with her gift and that we would spend the day in the sunny light of togetherness. Yeah, right, sister!

First, after she finally called in (something about a 5K she ran that morning, blah, blah, blah) and said where should "we" go I set the expectation that we go somewhere with wi-fi. I needed to do something with my blog and my internet is becoming worse every milli-second. How about Panera or the book store? "Well, ok, but....I'm really hungry and...we always go to Panera..." That means we know we're not going to get the food we need to fill her belly at the book store. "Ok, see you at Panera unless, you know another place with wi-fi." She didn't.

In the car racing over to Panera (really- racing away from my family) I called her. "Lets not go to Panera. We go there all the time. How about Chili's or something?" I got there first. She wasn't there. I went next door to look at bathtubs. When my phone rang I decided not to answer it as I was enjoying making music from my pocket. She ordered right away. A huge hamburger. Very unlike her. I....well, I couldn't decide...I wanted a steak except that it was early in the day and it was almost 20.00. I really didn't want to drop $20 this early in the day, on food. Marguerita grilled chicken sounded great! Except for the boring ole chicken part! A quesadilla? A fajita? What's the difference- I asked. She patiently explained. Why don't you get the sampler platter, she said?

"Look, I'm just gonna tell you now. I know its your birthday lunch. But I haven't been out of the house to have fun since Christmas when I saw you last. Its almost March. I did go for lunch once with friend Barb but I had to take the girls and I was just starting to get sick with this malady that I will only refer to as 'my future hysterectomy, knock on wood'- it doesn't count. I need to have a day. A day that's all about me. So I know its your birthday but really- today is about me. Here is your present. Don't you love the vintage theme I wrapped it in? Hope you like it as I am second guessing everything in it."

"Ok" she said. She was a little weak with hunger at that point. Very malleable. I ordered the sampler platter and it was exactly what I wanted. It was delicious and came in at just under 15.00. I had two cokes. I almost ordered a beer. But I was still a litte afraid of becoming "violently ill" or looking across the room into the eyes of the Principal of our school.

(She looks a little bit afraid of me, doesn't she?)

So then, we went to Costco, where she's a member because I needed her to help me choose glasses. "I can't see what they look like on me because I'm blind and you have good taste. Therefore, you must help me." It almost got ugly though- she chatted up the clerk FOR-EVER. "I almost had to be rude and you know how I hate rude people! What took you so long?" "Well, I was asking on the sly how you could buy the glasses on my account....you know, I had to ease into the question with a little small talk...." "Fine! How do these look? Twenty minutes later it was obvious to me that I was in no state to make decisions. "Take picutres of me with your phone!" I commanded. But she did this wierd thing that made me really nervous. She put the camera about 12" from my face. I somehow felt invaded. "its too close, make it go away, I feel bad....this isn't good..." I don't know what was going on there but I think a visit to the shrink was needed right then.

Then I made her go to TJ MAXX to look at bedding. Then the book store where we tried to have coffee but there was no place to sit and we ended up in the only two vacant chairs left in the store- right by the restrooms. We made ourselves at home and discussed when it would be the right time to tell our girls about sex. I hold true to the same method that I came to know about it- the movie in 4th grade and tv commercials. She bought a book.

By this time it was after 5:30 and I was thinking my family would be offended that I was gone all day. (I'm not really that good at running away- my joy is dampened by feelings guilt and unworthiness)Plus, I was exhausted. I'm almost better from the meds that made me nauseous for 14 days but not quite. Trust me, I will hold up the last month and a half in comparison to any 5k race and all of its prep- I win.

So when she called her husband and he said her parents were on the way...well, lets just say...I felt it was really important that she see them. "I just saw them Tuesday! Don't you want to go to Salvation Army with me??" "Well, you know, THEY won't be around forever......" (REALLY, I said that!) Followed with a "I'm going to walk you to your car...I just need to get a hug before you go...." (REALLY, I said that.)

OH my gosh! It was quite a day. I hope she enjoyed it as much as I did! NOw, there you have it! That's the true story as I lived it!

Paper Mache` vs. Creative Paper Clay vs. Paper Clay Recipe!

2011-02-12T18:38:00.000-08:00

For those of you who work in figurative sculpture, or are art doll makers, or just like to putz around in an artsy way this post is for you. If you don't fit into the categories above this post may just be a yawn. Sorry.

The following is a comparison of my experiences using three different products. Paper mache`, Creative Paper Clay, and paper clay recipe.

This picture is a good example of how I like to mix up my mediums. The round flower is Creative Paper Clay. The 3-petal blossom is made from the paper clay recipe found on line. Both of these flowers adhered quite well with out any glue to the paper mache` background.

In my Cloth and Clay group I have a discussion going about a paper clay recipe vs. purchasing the manufactured paper clay. I wanted an alternative to the little bricks and my dependency on whether or not my local hobby stores would have it in stock or not. And, truthfully, at the time with a rather large sculpture in mind I knew I would eat through those little blocks in a wallet blowing way.

In asking around one of my fellow Cloth and Clay members hooked me up with a link to a website and a paper clay recipe. Scroll down through my posts-the link is in there somewhere. I cooked it up, messed it up, fixed it again and now have grown quite used to it and use it regularly. So I thought I would share with you what I have learned in the process.

I usually start my projects with a wire armature. This satisfies the mechanical side of my abilities. Nothing like twisting and cutting wire and then wrapping all kinds of tape and stuff around it! And to satisfy the miser in me I use a base layer of paper mache`. It fills up nooks and crannies quickly when used thickly, is really quites strong, and can be smoothed out to be very thin layer (HA! Paper thin as a matter of fact! I kill myself with my obviousness!) that will allow the texture of the mesh/screen to show through.

Then on the surface layer I would use paper clay- as we all know- it sands up beautifully, paints easily and is an all around joy to work with. I discovered along the way that if you didn't want to sand you could use a paint brush and water to smooth out the surface. That discovery led me to create a 'slip'- really watered down and mixed up paper clay which I then brush on the surface. This creates an interesting grainy finish. By the way, I have kept this slip in an airtight container in my frig. for months now, no sign of mold or mildew. I'm surprised no one has tried to eat it.

This flower is uses a big round ball of paper clay smooshed on the surface of paper mache`. I needed the paper clay's dryish consistency to maintain the shape of each petal as I dug into the clay and lifted the petal up. Neither paper mache or the paper clay recipe would have given me this fine detailed result.

The paper clay recipe does not have the same finish as Creative Paper Clay. It is an entity of its own, truly a mix between paper mache` and Creative Paper Clay. It dries up hard. It reminds me of a cast you'd see on a broken arm. I haven't used it in final stages; I've stuck with the Creative Paper clay. But the recipe is more 'pose-able' than paper mache and I can manipulate it into small shapes such as flowers or glop it on where I need structural strength. I get more done with it for less $$$ than the Creative Paper Clay. Its a real time saver because its already mixed up and waiting for me. I have not been successful storing mixed paper mache`.

I've also found that, using the same tools I normally do I can get a fair amount of detail into the paper clay recipe. It dries fairly quickly and your working time can be extended by adding water- either spritzing it on or dabbing with a paint brush. By the way, the paper clay recipe can be smoothed out with a paint brush while still wet. It will however maintain a textural surface, don't expect it to be perfectly smooth.

I keep the paper clay recipe in a ziploc bag in the fridge next to the slip. It feels like bread dough. I actually prefer to let it set up a few days before I use it. I have a tendency to not squeeze all the water out of the TP. and usually have to add more of the other ingredients to make up for it. I don't have specific amounts to pass along. If you are used to Creative Paper Clay- keep the texture of that in mind as you make your decisions. For, myself, I enjoy making up the recipe as I feel even more creatively bonded to the future piece of work. I'm also pleasantly taken back to the time when I was a new mother as the linseed oil's fragrance reminds me of the Desitin lotion I used on my daughter's diaper rash. Just a side note there.
So there it is, a three way tie as I could not do what I do with out all three of them now. Feel free to share your experiences- I'm always up for learning new things! I'll check for spelling tomorrow, right now my former Desitin user wants to cuddle! Goodnight, all!

Some Not So Nice Things to Hear all in one week.

2011-02-06T19:16:00.000-08:00

You know....there are just some things don't really need to be discussed. There are... some things that you just don't talk about in polite company. Its just not mannerly. That's what blogs are for!!!!

So if you are squeamish or uptight- this is your departure point. Fair warning.

I'm going to take you through a tour of my last week in an organized manner. I'm going to give you the defining sentance and then the back story. Funny but they all seem to be directed to my attention....
(I'm going to use an alias here, for obvious reasons and because sometimes I'm paranoid that the police are looking for me.)

1. "Mrs. Collier- could you hold for Principal Smith?" Back story- I'm in tile store shopping and chatting with the salesperson who unfortunately knows and sees me on a regular basis when my cell rings and I see the school phone number. I swallow and try to act natural.

2. "Mrs. Collier, I'm sorry to bother you but there's a problem. Kayla brought some little bottles to school in her backpack. She took them out at lunch today. She says she thought they were food flavoring and I believe that but...they were alcohol. I've checked the policy book and unfortunately Kayla has to be suspended for 1/2 a day. I'm so sorry but could you come pick her up?"
Backstory- two years ago for my 40th birthday I was given a sample pack of schnapps, four different fruit flavors. I don't drink sweet alcohol. I'm German/Irish and prefer a nice beer. I'm also the child of hoarders so how could I throw out three perfectly good, free, pretty little bottles of schnapps when we all know the minute I throw them out I will need them for something. At that moment I had to decide if I should go in to all that with the principal just to let this kind, decent, upstanding man know that I am not a raging alocoholic or if I should please ask him to return all four bottles so I can hit them in the parking lot before I go home with my child.

3. "Mrs. Collier, this is your doctors office returning your call about the perscription...we don't really believe your pharmacy when they say that the medicine is backordered and no one can get it. If you could call around to all the other pharmacies and then let us know we'd then be happy to call in the script to that pharmacy. If you could do it right away- we leave for the day in twenty minutes." Backstory- I'm sick. I have a temp of 101. I barely made it to the phone and I want to cry but sure, in order to keep medical costs down across the country, I..."I" will call all the pharmacies looking for a drug I can't pronounce. And then I'll call you back. No prob.

4. "Mrs. Collier, I need to advise you about this medicine you've been perscribed. You can't have any contact with alcohol while you are on it and for three days afterwards or else you will become violently ill. We mean mouth wash, cold medicines, etc. And some people have become violently ill just being in contact with lotions or perfumes containing alcohol. We recommend you avoid using any product with alcohol in it."

Back story- Whoa! Stop right there! Sir, this is not the medicine for me. Violently ill? Doesn't that strike fear in the heart of every woman on this earth? But wait, good news! I now have confirmation for the principal that Kayla's parents are not raging alcoholics because...my true fear is not, I say, not going without alcohol but rather....going without hairspray. Yep. Lots of alcohol in hairspray. Lots of ugly in my flat limp hair.

5. "Yes, Mrs. Collier, that is a normal reaction to that medicine. This is the one that gets all the girls. Extreme nauseau is completely normal when taking a medicine of this strength. Your body doesn't recognize that the medicine is here to help quite yet and is fighting back. Have you started with the diarhea yet?"
Do I need a back story there? Like I said, if your squeamish your departure point was way back. Like way, way, back, before you clicked on his blog!
So, friends, I have not been to your blogs recently and I do apologize. However, when life returns to crazy normal instead of complete and utter hell (I can do anything but queazy, anything, its my Cryptonite.)then I will be right back with you, hairsprayed and all!

Please stand by....please, a little blogging help....and chocolate is always welcome!

2011-02-05T08:11:00.000-08:00

Hey, I'm making a few changes to my blog! I changed the name in the title in case I every actually do open the Etsy story they will co-ordinate- Good idea, Chris! I finally figured out how to get rid of that awkward space between my posts and the header. And I gave my blog a facebook page. But, I need advice- I really don't know what it means to have a networked blog, how to use it-etc. All I know is that I have been blogging for a couple years and the first year I was very secretive about it. I really didn't want people to know it was me ranting and raving and that I actually thought I might be an artist. But I'm out of the closet now! So I want to reach more people, have more followers , open the store, spread peace and good will, lose twenty pounds and get rich so I can hide out in my art studio rather than face that cold hard world every day! Oh, and by the way- can anyone tell me how to get my spellcheck icon back on my new post screen? I stay up to the wee hours of the night doing art, over book myself on a regular basis, have a little stress in my life and apparantly have lost all spelling skills in doing so! So if you can help me- explain what a networked blog means to me in my world, tell me how to get spellcheck back and if you like my studio name and how to finally start the etsy store???
Yes, I just had my morning coffee!

Freaky, Mom! Freaky!

2011-01-29T14:35:00.000-08:00

So I put the new eyeballs on my bird and you know what my kids said? Ewww! Freaky, MOM! Those eyes are huge! They're bug eyes! Well, as much as I tried to convince them that they eyes were the most beautiful thing on this Earth next to Webkinz they weren't having it. And truth be told I wasn't crazy about how they protruded away from the head in certain areas. Note to self- maybe plan this in earlier, like when shaping the head! Knowing the perfectionist inside of me I knew it wouldn't suffice. I'd see nothing else on that bird but where the eyeballs didn't quite touch the head and it would be like an itch I couldn't ignore.

So here's the bird with eyelids! Birds have eyelids, Don't they? Well this one does! I ran it past my panel of judges and I got one- "Awesome, Mom, really cool!" And one "Still freaky, Mom!". I'm going with it, though. Time to move on.

Today I ordered frit. In our little downtown area there's a stain glass shop. The owner let me sort through boxes of scrap and I came up with two piles of glass that I think when mixed up and crushed will make lovely material to work with. Oh- yeah, frit is crushed up glass, if you didn't already know. I didn't. I just learned of it this past summer. I'm using it on the leaves that decorate big little lady's gown.

Ok, that's all for now. I have pile of laundry. I just made the Mr. mad because I disagreed with his decree that the bathroom remodel could wait until the girls were old enough to close the shower curtain over better. I couldn't help it- I had my say and now he's mad. Guess we'll have to see how long he can be mad. I'm just saying....I can wait to make up a lot longer than he can....oh, by the way... how do you like my Valentine theme for my blog background????

I'm not God but I did make bird eyes!

2011-01-24T08:24:00.000-08:00

Ok, I'm going to make this quick! I'm in the middle of my first ever architectural rendering and there is a real client waiting for this masterpiece so I have to figure out how to turn this trainwreck around. (That means that so far things are not going well.)

And, yes, I did hesitate before I used that title for this post. Insert my mother's voice saying "Christine! That's sacreligious!" But what the heck, its all in jest! Right? So that makes the sacreligious part O.K., right? Right?

Anyhow- I made eyes for the bird and they were super easy!!!! Want to know how? Ok!

Almost anything I could ever imagine (and that's a lot) can be made of items purchased from my local art store, grocery store or one of my favorite places- the hardwares store. I like to walk down the aisles and look at all the weird parts and pieces they imagine I might need and instead, imagine all the other things they could be!

Actually, most of this came from my local grocery/home goods store. Thumbtacks, brads, nail polish and markers is all it took to make these eyes. Yep, plain old .49 cent thumb tacks will give me a way to doubly make sure these eyes will stick on my bird. Brads will give me some defination because our iris do sit slightly on top of the white part of our eye and our eyes are not completely smooth.

I used marker on top of the thumb tack. I carefully criss-crossed the lines and then went along the outside with olive green. My advice- don't over think this, the nailpolish mixed my colors together and while you couldn't tell I had a plan of action in the coloring, I still liked the result.

I clipped the working ends off the brads so that I just had the rounded top. I used clear nail polish to glue the brad to the thumbtack. I put some under the brad before placing it on the tack. I decided to make them slightly off to one side and dropped off center. I recommend that you use Sally Hansen brand clear nail polish- why? Because it makes me think of my Grandma. It was her favorite brand and she was the coolest person in the world.

I brushed the nailpolish across the top but tried to make it pool up where the brad joins the thumb tack. to lessen the height difference. I let that coat dry and then repeated the process several times. The hardest part was allowing enough time to dry- patience is not my virtue.

While waiting I decided to experiment with the glitter dots. I picked these up out of the scrapbooking department just in case the thumbtacks didn't work out. These would be fun for bug or reptile eyes. So that's it! Let them harden up a day or two, they might look dry but as I just found out- looks can be deceiving!

Now, just because I can't help myself...here's a pair of eyes I did not create (Thanks, God.) but get to look at every day and know that I had a part in bringing into this world and maybe have just a little part in putting that smile on her face.

Ok, have to run and check my inbox so that icon will quit blinking at me. I'm sure its Chinamommy apologizing for all but ignoring me while she cleans her dumb ole basement! HEY, Chinamommy! GET OUT of the basement and call me but give me time to answer because I'm in MY basement! Have a great week, everyone!

Look at this face! I just want to pinch those cheeks!

2011-01-20T18:47:00.000-08:00

I started right away to repair the broken bird. I was very dedicated and I have to say I'm pleased to report everything A-ok, in the end. Well, maybe not my broken rump but there's only so much that can be done about that- without surgery or worse- exercise.

I thought I'd pick up a brush and apply some color to big little lady's gown but there must still be some thinking to do because instead I found myself working on her eylids- which turned into lower lids and nose and forhead and eyes.

And here she is ready to speak to me (and you) and say something so very important. She is- just look at those eyes!

I'm a little afraid she's going to say "Hey! Why'd ya make my nose so big?" But I am prepared to tell her its just perfect. Those cheeks! Those lips! I can't wait to have her develop even more. But wait I will, its been another hellish week at work. I don't know what the economy has been in your part of the world but here, in Michigan, at my firm- we're way understaffed and running with the heat turned down way low. But, we're here, the doors are open and we trudge along.

One question that is nagging at me- what will I do with her hair? Really! I have only one idea and am not particularly sure that is the best one, at that. I will thicken up her neck-just a bit, not much. I don't want to get too realistic because, well, reality sucks! Ask my sore rump!

Next up will be her hands. I am putting that off because we all know hands are hard. I suspect they may actually be easier to sculpt than draw. I'll let you know. Then I have to figure out how to permanently attach the bird. Do I screw through the hands into the bird? Use glue? use glue and screws? Right now I have an extra long twist tie holding the bird in place.

I will hold my breath the whole time I am figuring this out, I promise, because- well, I'm jsut saying if my follower in France or my follower in Auckland hears a piercing scream off in the far, far distance they can be sure its me and something bad happened. But let us think positive and perhaps say a teeny prayer that all goes well. Right? Anyhoo, hope you all are well, warm and cozy and looking forward to Spring. I am!

What's on my mind?

2011-01-17T06:48:00.000-08:00

Why, everything of course. I'm a dyslexic thinker. Right now I'm thinking I spelled that wrong but last time I used spell check it froze my computer. Not because my spelling is so bad that the work was too hard but because I have D I A L .....UP........oh, sorry, I fell asleep there for a minute. Seriously, thanks to dial up I get a lot of crafting done. How? Well, I wander off and work while I'm waiting for the page to load. I really have to work on getting cable.

Speaking of 'working on' (cuz that would be a hubby decision, I'm not messing with his 'channels') did anyone see the commercial for desparate housewives where Eva Longoria's husband walks in and she says 'Hi honey, ready for some lunch?" and he says "I just opened the credit card bill" and she quickly replies "Did I say lunch? I meant SEX!" Who ever wrote that line sure put a smile on my this woman's face!

But let's talk about my big find this last week. The world's most beautiful ribbon right in a store here in Grand Rapids!

I spent over 30.00 just on ribbon. Well, of course I had to have two yards of everything and of every color I liked. Eva Longoria can have her Jimmy Chu's, I want this ribbon!

What am I going to do with it..... I don't have a clue. Or I didn't, anyways. I just knew that if I could create an art doll using this as the inspiration than it would be by default, the most beautiful doll in the world. See how I get? Giddy. Shoes don't do that for me. (But I still like them, don't worry, I am somewhat a normal woman.)

Ok, so that's all I have to say about that and yes, I do picture Forrest Gump when I say that. I have to work today. We got slammed with work last week and everything is due....well, it just all needs to get done this week- deadlines! Have a great week and if you need any information on what the everyday woman is using to keep herself and her house beautiful go to my friend's blog- she's hot on that topic right now. http://melisthepositivepessimist.blogspot.com

My friend Mel said this.....

2011-01-13T17:18:00.000-08:00

"Yesterday I mentioned lipstick and I think some of you started salivating at the thought. See, I've always been quite the connoisseur of all things lip related. It comes from a deeply ingrained truth from ..."

That's all the blog reader would show but I was captivated....a deeply ingrained truth.....Hmmmm, I've got some of those... and definatley some of those are tied to lipstick. For instance, it was a deeply ingrained truth to me that my mother thought if you ran a brush through your hair and applied a quick layer of very bright lipstick that you were presentation ready. I have so many images of her....rushing out the door,in her wrinkle free polyester pants and cotton tee shirt- screaming at my father to get in the car- they were late..., we were always late for everything, but we could never leave until my father had his coffee in his travel mug, warmend up and ready to go. He had his routine that had to happen before we could leave the drive. Long sleeve shirt with a t- shirt underneath, coat, sunglasses, hat. He would have already checked his pocket for his wallet, maybe even flipped it open to see if his driver's license was in it. It always was. I always wondered why he was so concerned about being legal. As if the wandering policeman had a radar that told him when drivers would go by with or without that little piece of plastic on their person. As if our maroon station wagon with two adults and two children clearly visible would signal that same police officer that trouble was afoot even though we maintained a steady 54mph. We were sly like that- maintaing the casual appearance of an everyday family- man, woman, boy and girl. Yep, we were real good at looking normal and hiding.....well, ok, we weren't hiding anything but it sure was a good thing the driver had his license anyways.

Its funny, the things seen out of children's eyes. That's how truths become ingrained, I believe. We see. We see the action, the reaction and the consequence. For instance- Mom shaving her legs in the car = danger + embarrassement for her daughter. Ingrained truth= lack of planning leads to poor grooming. So true. How do I know its really true? Well, this apple didn't fall too far from the tree. And a little lipstick really does go a long way some mornings.

So, I wonder what could Mel be talking about. Well, have to go see. Except that my dialup (D*I*A*L - U*P)doesn't like her 'shabby blog" background so I'll have to wait till I get to work (high speed) to check out her blog. Hmm, maybe one of you could go check out her blog and tell me what ingrained truth she has associated with lipstick. It promises to be good. And probably Mom related...yikes, risky...

htpp:melisthepositivepessimist.blogspot.com

Woman Down! Art Broken!

2011-01-09T08:45:00.000-08:00

I was supposed to be showing you a picture like this.....

...because I spent last week concentrating hard on getting small details to a point where I could finally paint the damn bird. Things like creating a nice edge between the cut area (belly) and the body. Oh, yeah, I told you how I overwound the first music box mechanism and searched all over for a new one right at Christmas then wondered how I would ever get her off of one and onto the other, right? Well I did all that but then worried about it happening again so rather than just gluing the ballerina/music mechanism and ornament in I figured out a way to make it removable.

Yeah- it was a real brain buster and let me tell you my house is a wreck/bills are unpaid/everything has been neglected. So I got through all of this finagle-ing petrified the whole time that I would break something and it would be unrepairable. Literally- at one point I was using gas grill lighter to melt plastic to create a "plate". I'm telling you, after this I am qualified to be lost on a deserted tropical island with a a group of people (think Gilligan's Island here) and I will make things out of tree fronds and sea weed to help us survive in comfort. Just don't ask me to cook- leave that up to Marianne.
I digress, again.

So, yesterday I painted the bird. Then I repainted it. Then I rubbed it, painted it, rubbed it, adjusted the color and said "Oh, my God, I love it!" Then, later when it was dry, I grabbed the bird, my soda-pop and headed for my lower level to take many pictures to show you all.

Ever fallen down a flight of stairs? It happens quick. The soda pop launced against the wall and the bird took flight. It was similar to the episode of WKRP (don't worry if this doesn't ring any bells- it was a 1980's sitcom- loved Less Nessman) where they thought it would be a good promotion to do a turkey drop out of a helicopter not knowing turkeys don't fly well. My bird didn't fly well, either.

My bird was broken on both wings and tail feathers. The plastic bulb protecting the ballerina had a split in it. And this morning I noticed that even tiny ballerina is in need of repair as both of her arms have hairline fractures. Arrgh, doesn't begin to describe my chagrin.

I might have yelled a bit. Especially when no one came running to see why I screamed the first time. And with soda pop pooling up on the new carpet I knew I had to deal with that quickly. So, I had to crawl up the stairs and limp into the bathroom to get a towel and get back to the toxic spill which I managed to do all of that before my Karate Champ Kalya brought me three tiny paper towels from the kitchen. Before you think badly of the nine year old let me tell you that the 7 1/2 year old never left the computer even though she heard me screaming for towels. Worse yet- hubby was in the garage and 'just thought Kalya spilled something again' and never bothered to check. I love them all though, I do.

I might not have been so upset except that I loved, loved, loved the way the wings turned out. I've never done feathers before. Not out of anything, paint or paper clay. I kinda thought if I could do this then it must be true that I could do anything. But the Chris Factor is never to be minimized, never.

Thank goodness that 'Chris' is a really determined chick. I have already started to repair the bird and it is turning out well so far. I will not be defeated by a horizontal trip down a flight of stairs. I will however use the guilt of a broken Mama to torture my family. I asked Brooke if she would rub my broken butt and she did answer "eeewww, uhh, errr, MAYBE!" in a squished up, raggedy voice that let me know that even though she would never forgive me for making her- she was kinda, somewhat willing to make my pain a little less. Ahh, the power a Momma has....brings me back to all those times I saw my Mother in her underwear and had to go to my happy place to get past it. Fluffy white bunnies, fluffy white bunnies....

2011-01-01T13:06:00.000-08:00

On Christmas Eve I met up with gal pal Chinamommy. We are always excited to exchange gifts because we know if we like it the other person will too. We try very hard not to spend a lot of money but rather get something that speaks to the other's personality and unique (very unique) style.

I think Chinamommy did a fabulous job- don't you? Look at the ultra cool little wallet she found for me. I'm going to visit this site www.naturallife.net to see what other goodies this company makes.
Do you like me in this pic? She called it my blinky eyed look. I corrected her and told her its a tick- my whole dang family will be at my house tomorrow- this is how it affects me.

I bought her an Amy Butler sewing kit. She's excited to finally get sewing. I told her don't worry- there are patterns in there and I thought you could do something clever with them if the sewing bit doesn't happen.

Earlier this year I went crazy over industrial chic jewelry and decided she must also partake of this trend. Afte all- what's good for me is good for her!

This little doll is from Karen Brown's Christmas line. I love her style. Love. I bought two because they remind me of us.

I like this picture. I think it says- "Vote for me- you can trust in me!"

Which leads straight into this picture and truthfully I don't remember what we were discussing but just as she snapped this I was thinking "Yes, indeed, Chinamommy, Poop happens." Really- that's what I was thinking.

For God's Sake who invited the Athiest to Christmas Dinner?

2010-12-27T05:52:00.000-08:00

Before I even go into this- I hesitated sharing for a number of reasons, one being the three posts about vehicular whining- let me tell you that all in all my real Christmas with my family was a good one. Everything went well and anything that was awry I was able to sweep under the rug. Kind of.

So we all have something in our family closet, right? Divorced parents remarried to bimbo's or bimbette's. The funny uncle. The Aunt who used to be an Uncle. Well, right now my sister thinks she's an Athiest who celebrates Pagan holidays but not regular ones. Fine and Dandy. I really don't care about your religion as long as you are not asking me to drink the purple kool-aid or chicken blood. And ever since we made that pact a few years ago where in I promised to never help her out/screw up her life again- my life has been easier.

I needed her to watch the kids over Christmas break and asked her to come Wed and Thurs. She asked what the plans were for Christmas. I told her that the husband's whole family would be there for dinner and that Grams and Gramps would be staying over Christmas Eve in the guest bedroom. No prob, she said, she'd bring her air mattress and sleep in the pool room. I hoped the lack of a direct invitation would be enough but apparently not. I winced a little, ok a lot, two days where in I spend minimum of time in near proximity is just about all I can handle of her. This, then would make four. She was great- cleaned out the girls closet, etc. I was very busy- wrapping or cleaning so don't think I didn't appreciate the help. But, its still hard to be around her- sadly, it just is.

Christmas Eve came and she disappeared conveniently about the time we were to leave for Church service. Bernie, the patriarch of our Catholic family, cautiously informed me that he had invited her to join us at mass but she declined. I matter of factly validated that and then quickly moved on. A touch uncomfortable to explain that Sis would prefer not to celebrate the birth of our Lord because she was ATHIEST. YES, I said ATHIEST, no, not a witch....no, she wouldn't be sacrificing anything while we were gone and no there wasn't a pentagram drawn on the floor under the guest bed. ARRGH! Couldn't she just take her uncomfortable religion or lack there of (which if you dedicatedly believe against religion- isn't that still a form of a religion???)and go elsewhere on my Christmas?

Again, everything was going smoothly Christmas, presents were given and received. I loved my jewelry box I picked out and the bracelet that hubby picked out. Everyone behaved. We cooked, we set the table, we called Aunts and Uncles far away. We decided to eat buffet style- food in the kitchen, guests at the table- we were running out of space. So while I was taking the rolls out of the oven someone asked if we minded if we gathered in the kitchen to say Grace all together. Awesome, I said- thinking 'oh yeah, gather up, ye minions, and dance to my tune' when the only other awkward moment of the day occurred.

Patriarch Bernie realized that Sister wasn't with us. Everything halted. I started to sweat. Now I was in a room full of Catholics who didn't know about the Athiest in the closet. It was at this time that I wished she was a lesbian in the closet. Then she could be there to pray with us and run off to see a girlfriend later. Damn it all! I said "Yes. We can pray with out her." "No, we couldn't do that!" was their aghast reply. There was this split second of ...nothing....then I turned and RAN down the stairs. Pretty fast, too, for an out of shape 42 year old woman.

She was lurking around a corner. "Please come up stairs, the Catholics want you to say grace with them!" "No" she said in that same stead fast, brick wall, I will stick to this until you stick a pool stick in my eye- voice that I'd learned years before would take at least an hour to beat out of her. (I considered the pool stick option.)

So somewhere between a scream and a whisper and between gritted teeth I replied "What do you want me to do? Tell them you're a Pagan?" She threw up her hands and said "Tell them I'm in the bathroom- I don't care!" Really? The bathroom is the best you can come up with? Thanks, cuz that's what I want to mention to my guests, on Christmas, in the middle of the kitchen right before we say grace and eat a lovely dinner. I just can't win. I was born into the wrong life. Surely I was. I stood there for a milli-second and whirled around and bolted up the stairs. I rejoined the circle, grabbed the hands of the people next to me and stated in the calmest, matter of fact- let's not continue to debate this- voice that I could muster- "She's in the bathroom and asks that we go ahead an pray with out her, she could be awhile."

Well, that shut them up. We said a nice prayer, had a nice dinner to which she 'appeared', I drank wine (thank God, I am Catholic) and we had a nice remainder of the day.

Its honestly the first time I have found bathroom talk the best solution during a dinner meal. But whatever. Later- I had a question rip through my mind like a tornado through Kansas. What the Hell was she doing there with us giving and receiving gifts, and supping with us-if she is an Athiest? Its not like I hid the fact that it was Christmas! Hmm, nice. Thanks for the awkward moments, Sis, did you like the shirts I bought you? This won't happen next year. Trust me.

My Perfect Christmas Day

2010-12-24T06:38:00.000-08:00

Christmas day is a very special day to exhibit my holly homemaker hostess skills. So I start the day with a very special routine. Chilled water is sooo refreshing.

A little personal grooming goes a long way.

Hubby understands how important this day is to a wife. Truly a culmination of all I could ever hope to be...

So the outfit is especially important. Do I go all out?

Or go for the casually elegant and oh so modern?

These decisions can cause a lot of anxiety!
Luckily, I have a coping mechanism...

My guests will be very interesting and diverse.

They are sure to enjoy the touch of Americana I included in the supper menu.

I just know that the Mr. of the house will be so proud and fall in love with his wife all over again.....

Unfortunately after such a strenuous day I am likely to develop a headache....

Only curable by a little alone time with that ever so fabulous- ME!!!!

Ahhhhh.....I can see it now...

Eye Candy for You- no calories!

2010-12-23T06:00:00.000-08:00

This was on my daughter's Christmas list to Santa. She wants a necklace that says 'Dogs' and a charm bracelet. Whatever your sweet little 71/2 heart desires. Its only money. How can I compare repairing a car to the dreams and wishes of a child who believes in Santa?
This is a do-it-your-self-er I bought from Hobby Lobby. The bracelet comes strung with beads and jump rings. Then you add the charms from their vast selection and Viola~ you have a personalized gift that will probably be lost by the end of the school year...ahh the dreams and wishes of a 7 1/2 year old.

Hey- here's a tid bit from the art world part of my life! I'm still waiting for a ballerina to arrive so I can finish the bird. So in the meantime, I have just started tinkering with the gown. I'm stuck on cloisonne` and capturing spaces with wire. This portion looks somewhat like a stained glass pattern to me. I dig it- How about you?

And....what you do for one you do for the other....while B. is the saviour and lover of all animals Kayla is my performer. American Idol watch out. She has a guitar and may even get lessons some day....she loves to sing and dance. She sure has stage presence...I just have to get her to stop adjusting her tights while singing. Those hands....always have to be busy....

Perhaps an electrical field gone haywire?

2010-12-21T18:38:00.000-08:00

I'm starting to think there really is "something up" in my world. But I'm busy. Its Christmas. These other worldly things will have wait- right? I spent 4 hours wrapping presents Sunday. Good day to do it as hubby fixed the car stuck in the driveway. Weirdly though, during his tests drives (the ones that got it stuck in the drive) an electrical problem occurred. My brake lights came on and stayed on meaning...you can't tell if the car is braking or not. Plus to make the lights go off one has to pull out the fuse with needle nose pliers. "#40" he told me. "Its number 40. You want me to circle it in the book?" "No" I replied, "I will never forget as the last thing I want to do is be in a parking lot somewhere asking strangers to jump my car." Really, silently I am thinking, I just about can't take any more indignity- so I will remember the number 40. How old am I? I thought all this unreliable car stuff was done with about the time I settled into grey hairs and crows feet? What's wrong with this picture?

Today was the day the Rendezvous is to go in to the mechanic. Cute little- Russian Alex- mechanic. I like him- he has a genuine accent. It makes him interesting. I need interesting things to divert my attention from- oh yeah, cars. So on this morning I received a clue about the electrical fields that have gone haywire around me.

My hairdryer that was given to me by my first sister-in-law over ten years ago (don't give hair dryers as Christmas presents- just a hint) went from working fine and dandy to shooting out sparks and flame- luckily for my endangered hair- sparks first- then went dead and then turned back on, shooting out more sparks, flame and smoke. I screamed a little, just a little, by now its going to take a lot more than flames to get a good reaction out of me. "hmmph!" I thought and tossed it in the garbage. "Hope I can remember in 8 hours that I need a new hair dryer!"

I played switch-a-roo with the cars at the mechanic. I dropped off my Rendezvous and picked up the Subaru. It was a nice re-union. I liked this car for many years. Today as all the lights were working and as long as I didn't "run it too long" I felt safe. So off I went after work to pick up the girls from daycare. I parked in front of the building, got out, started walking towards the doors and stopped dead in my tracks.

Even though I had turned the engine off the lights were on. Specifically the tail lights. What the hell? I thought. Seriously? Because the only common denominator in this situation is ME! I went back and checked the knobs, looked at the doors, they were all shut. I started to get the heebie jeebies. My cars- my cars are alive and I am being haunted. It was truly a very weird feeling.

But- I'm busy. I still have Christmas shopping to do. I went in and got the girls. I watched them closely as they approached the car. They acted fine. So much for children being sensitive to the paranormal- right?

Well- I'm just going to get right to the end, here folks! Enough DRAMA! I bumped a button and it was the fog lights! Only the rear fog lights but still! Paranoid Polly has about had it! I am trying to plan a Christmas menu and get some party cleaning done, here! I have no time for cars, or ghosts or tarantulas because I have stockings to stuff! Geez o' pete's! So I promise you- no more posts about strange events until after Christmas! But, just so you are warned there is a reason this blog is named ChrisChronicles. There is!

Update on my new career as a grease monkey-

2010-12-20T15:26:00.000-08:00

Update-
Ok, folks, I got out of playing car mechanic on Sunday, anyways. A bolt had come loose and was caught between some thing important and some other thingamajiggy. But this strange thing happened in the midst of all this- my tailights are stuck in the on position. That means no brake lights (Hey, mister in the big white truck, do you think there's a reason I turned on my hazards? Get off my ass!) So I did play mechanic for a minute as a friend told me that if I followed the break pedal up into the dash I might just find a switch....so I tried it and no switch but as I was laying on the floorboards of my car with my hand squeezed in a little hole I was reminded of a movie where there were tarantulas hiding everywhere and they would fall out on people's heads and bite them....

Mercury is in Retrograde. (Or some crap like that!)

2010-12-19T06:31:00.000-08:00

That's what those in the know say. I subscribe to a newsletter that keeps me abreast of these things. I look forward to getting it and then....never really understand what I am reading. Truly, astrology is a language all to itself. Apparently when Mercury is in retrograde our thought processes are compromised. Do not, and I have diligently tried to follow this- make any important decisions right now. Wait two weeks. But- does it mean something else for Scorpios? I'm just wondering because things...things have not been right this month!

I just got my haircut yesterday. For the third time this month. Really- all I said was- "whatever you did last time, my hair was great, not one bad hair day so do that again" Apparently that is what you do not say to your hair stylist. When I came back a week later with a limp, dull and dragging hair style I said "this is what its doing for me- I've tried everything...help me..." She looked at it and said "why did I cut it on that angle? That's obviously not working for you." She cut it again, styled it and away I went. Problem solved? No, there was something 'bulky' about it. I'm busy. I didn't want to go back. I didn't want to bug her for a third time. So....I....got....out....my......little....pair....of....hair....shears....

Yep. I have a problem. All designers suffer from the affliction of thinking we can do anything. And while we can do a lot of things and we are problem solvers by nature we are not endowed with all skills. But...its....hard...to...stop....when you think....ooooh...that's it right there...that little piece sticking out.....and that little piece right....there.

So yesterday I had to explain to my hair dresser that while yes, I was still having problems with the cut she gave me.... the cut she was staring out was not the one she gave me. The phrase "really, its not you...its me" never rang so true. Long story short.....well 'short' is the word that ends this tale.

The other weird thing....I'm trying to ignore winter. I did that last year and I was pretty successful. But today.......I will have to go outside and play car mechanic with my husband. I don't want to do that. I don't want to lay on the cold ground and use my small hands to get parts off the wheel of my car that is blocking our driveway. I don't. I'm a girl. I don't like car grease and I don't like being cold. I'm way too old for this. Damn his large manly hands!

So seriously. We somehow have four old cars (anyone want to trade for two new ones?) and none of them will get us out of our drive way. One is at a garage being diagnosed as to whether or not we should activate the resuscitators or call time of death. One just never made it to the junk yard before the snow flew. One is just fine now that hubby got the broken spark plug out of it by using a hair dryer to warm it up. And my car....well, that's the one that barely got me home from Christmas shopping last night. (It was a hairy ride home but Mr. couldn't come and get me because of the broken spark plug that wouldn't come out- seriously can you beieve this...)

But my car is now blocking the driveway and without going into the snow bank we can't get around it. You know, to get the parts we need to fix the car blocking the driveway. Thank god for phones and wine. We will get this resolved but.....I don't want to go out in the cold......I don't want to touch the car's parts....I'm a girl....I have to clean up puke in the middle of the night- I shouldn't have to work on cars....If something happens and I can't do art anymore....

So really, all you astrologers....is this something to with Mercury being in retrograde?....Inquiring minds want to know

Merry Christmas, Everyone.

2010-12-12T10:52:00.000-08:00

Thought I'd share a peek at my tree with you. I just finished grading 30 final projects so I don't have much going on in the art department.

I do have a fabulous bird sculpture to show you. Fabulous because I had no idea that I could sculpt and animal. I've never tried! You may remember the bird from earlier posts. In its breast is a hollowed out spot for a ballerina that twirls around. Guess what? Broken music mechanism! Over wound like me. Try to find a music box mechanism when you need one. On line prices are daunting. Sure, retail stores have plenty of $10. jewelry boxes. You know what you get for ten dollars? Ballerinas with palsy. Yep, a lot of twitching and jerking for ten dollars. I have one on order from a jewelry store.

I was a florist for seven years. Anyone who was ever a florist has had a turn or two at decorating trees. Traditional trees, contemporary trees, fishing trees, teddy bear trees, fruit and flower trees- you name it. But I have to say that my favorite tree has always been mine. (I should say 'ours' but I can barely let go of control long enough to have any one else touch it so it really is 'mine'.)

I've been asked "What kind of tree do you do for yourself?" I dunno what to call it- its the same every year. White lights, gold, ivory and silver ribbon with an angel nestled in a fluffy bow at the top. Then throw in ornaments of every color- red, green, hot pink, purple, a little but not much royal blue. The ornaments tend towards old fashioned toys, musical ornaments, romantic and a few baby's first Christmas ornaments. Every year since I was married I have dated the ornaments I bought. After twenty years I buy maybe just one a year but I like to keep to the tradition. The tin Pinnochio you see below is one of my favorites. The green carousel was made by my Mother from a kit she bought at Ben Franklin's Crafts. Remember those?

At some point I fell deeply in love with Mercury Glass ornaments. My small collection usually hangs from the ceiling around the angel.

I think people are disapointed when I tell them that my tree has no particular theme. I think they are expecting something more like "It's dedicated to Princess Diana and is decorated in designer gowns and expensive shoes" rather than my "Well, it just looks like the Sugar Plum Fairy came to visit awhile."

When I decorate my tree I feel a little bit like this child- daughter Brooke at 5, enchanted by the idea that there really is such a thing as Christmas Magic.

Another book? Is there money left for Christmas?

2010-12-05T17:39:00.000-08:00

Fear not, Chinamommy, like I said, I have your gift. Actually, I bought this book awhile ago but just got around to scanning and uploading which takes for-ever...did I mention I live just outside one of the biggest cities in my state but I still have dial-up? ARRGH, doesn't begin to cover it.
Back to the book-

I have these fantastic pictures of daughter Brooke sleeping that are going to end up on canvas.... and that canvas will be gessoed...don't worry, I have a plan.... but....I have to get them to the firm that will make this happen in a format that they can work with and while I could just send them my jpeg I prefer to modify it first. I was playing around with a low level program on my computer and gave her this dramatic spotlight effect where in the center of the pic remained true and the outside edges blurred into darkness. Instant drama and I was hooked. But....what if the low level program I was using is not good enough and all my effort is wasted on a less than acceptable result? (repeat- I am not a perfectionist, I am not a perfectionist, ok, maybe a little around the edges....)

This is one of the pictures by the way. 'One of' because I can never settle for one of anything fabulous...

Oh yeah, the book. Well, with this project burning a hole in my brain I was off to the book store and the book store did not disappoint. Has it ever? The very first project in the book is creating a 'vignette' effect. All you need is Adobe Photoshop or more specifically Photoshop Elements. I have Creative Suite 3 Premium and have not really cracked the seal because....its on that darn Mac laptop that I bought off a student but really don't know how to use....(insert sigh expressing great angst.)

Oh yeah, the book....
By Susan Tuttle
Well of course, I love it. I find it quite user friendly in its set up. First it guides you through all the tools, simple processes like setting up files and working with layers. Then it takes you through multiple projects using all kinds of mixed media applications, each are step by step.

I don't know why- maybe because its explained by a female artist it seems so much easier to understand than even the photoshop for dummies type books I already own. I do recommend it to you but of course- I want you to browse through it to see if it meets your comfort level.

by Susan Mckivergan
There's a style for every one's taste in this collection, 25+ different examples of work, actually. I chose a couple I found intriguing.

by Tiffini Electra X
Oooh, does this mermaid seem just a bit 'Art Noveau' to you? Well, she's pretty, that's for sure. One thing I haven't mentioned yet is that this book contains a c-d with a few brushes and textures for you to use as backgrounds. Not a ton of them, but enough to get you started and the book does share how to create your own "brushes". Honest, it seems easy enough. Now, how to clone myself so that I can work, mother and create great art.

"Jose~ Can You Sing?"

2010-12-01T15:22:00.000-08:00

Now, repeat that to the tune of "Oh say can you see...."
Yep, there are many things I will miss about my daughter being young. For days now she's been running around singing "Jose` can you sing?" Sometimes I wonder if she has an auditory dis order. Especially when she's looking for the 'amote retrol'. Anyhoo, that's all...just wanted to share before my mental disorder made me forget.....

Oh, The Possibilites!

2010-11-27T06:49:00.000-08:00

Oh, I'm a sucker for a good book and office supplies- I love a good romp through Staples or Office Depot- but rather than tell you what color paper clips I just bought I'll give you the low down on this book that I think should be part of your library. Call it an 'office supply/business expense' whatever it takes to justify the purchase. I call it another late birthday present from me to me.

I was drawn to this book because of its wide variety of topics. Right now anything that can help me get the cloisonne` or enameled look I want for my big little lady sculpture is a must have right now. Even if its just a particular color combination in an advertisement in a magazine- its mine. This book covers- resin, enameling, acrylic, polymer clay, and glass.

This really cool pin is made from a piece of broken pottery. Two things come to mind. 1. I would have really liked to see the whole piece of pottery- I'm sure its also very cool. 2. What great detail work! So very small and intricate! The artist is Patti Leota Genack. Love the little girl and dog hanging out the window.

There's directions on-
-how to transfer images onto your jewelry and how to keep them protected during the process.
-how to add a patina
-how to make a figure
The author, Sherri Haab, created this bracelet using transfer techniques.

This pendant by Susan Gifford, was made by applying cloisonne` enamel to precious metal clay.
Why, there's even info on wire wrapping, macrame, crocheting with wire, creating buckles and closures- you name it- I think I saw a casserole recipe in there, too!

This stunning piece was created by Kelly Russell. The butterflies and lady are from precious metal clay.
There's complete directions for firing your jewelry. I just found out that 'ramp speed' doesn't have anything to do with racing for that last available spot in the parking ramp.

There were many other pictures I could have included but I hate to spoil it for you! All I can say is- Great Job Sherri Haab, great collection of artwork and artists.

One of those projects that's been nagging at me!

2010-11-20T14:02:00.000-08:00

Creative Carmelina, a blogger friend of mine, started something awhile back. She did this awesome self portrait that really spoke to me. We all want to define ourselves. But not in any permanent way that can't be changed. We all want the world to see us they way that we see ourselves. A self portrait can be a very hard project to even attempt.

Blogging has a certain safety in that people can only see what you allow them to see. The picture we create with our words, the story we tell with our art, the glimpses we share with our photography. But a self portrait should be honest. Its not that it can't be pretty- but the truth of it, the heart of it should be un-adorned. The truth should shine forward, beautiful in itself.

I used to believe a story about myself. I took parts of messages I heard from my Mother and believed them to be true. Now I realize that her truths don't have to be my truths. As a young adult I took in the messages from people around me and thought they must know more than me. Now I realize how much we all didn't know back then. Now- I realize 'that' story never really fit and I knew it all along.

I challenge you to know yourself truthfully. It sounds silly to say that if negative words come out of your mouth than positive words should follow- but really- if you ever do dwell on negative things about yourself you need give yourself a good mental shake and state the positive side of things as well. Its only fair to be completely accurate. I mean come on'- if you're going to be hard on yourself go all the way- realize that yeah, you're not perfect and you're not all that bad either. Somewhere in the middle is a big space to be in. A big wide open, full of wonderful possibilities space.

By the way, Creative Carmelina is #103 on the blog hop. Go visit her. She's always doing something amazing. She'd love to have you- she's a great host!

I have the wierdest life.

2010-11-15T16:37:00.000-08:00

Strange things happen to me. I'm not kidding. I'm the kinda person who in an effort to save a lost dog kidnaps some one's pet and then makes the owner feel bad for losing them. I've witnessed fish falling from the sky, no lie. My child has single-handedly caused the evacuation of a day care center. These are only the things I can remember right now.

The following story is an example of the craziness that is my daily life. You have to get to the very end for the reward and trust me, its worth the wait.

So, last Sunday night I thought I should get my exhausted butt to bed a little early to make up for several nights of no sleep and days filled with anxiety. (If anyone ever says to you- "Ya know, I think it would be fun to be an interior designer..." punch them for me, please.) So I finally made it in there about 11:00 and I was pretty proud of myself. That should have been the first indication something was going to go badly wrong.

'Round about 1:30 my dog woke me up. It doesn't take much above a whisper to wake me, just so you know. She was agitated and barking at something I couldn't hear. So I let her out and she ran around the yard barking insanely. I rounded her back up and sternly told her to get back to sleep- it is deer season, they'll be moving around a lot and I wasn't going to have her barking at them all night.

But, she didn't settle down. She stayed at the end of our bed and continued to bark at every little noise. "That's the furnace." I told her. "That's the walls creaking because the furnace turned on." "That's the floor creaking where it always creaks when the furnace turns off." "That's the wind on siding, just like every night."

Now, I should admit to you that I am petrified of the dark. I know, I'm 42 and there is a big hairy man in bed next to me but...hey, maybe there's a correlation? So it doesn't take too many nervous little barks before I'm all creeped out. But, I'm 42 years old and a mom. So like a good grown up I get up to check the house. Why didn't I wake up hairy man? Because he drives for a living and I want him rested so that I don't have to worry the whole next day about him crashing his big truck into a family of small children. Yes, I over think everything. Everything. I can come to the worlds worst cause and effect scenario in very short order.

I check the front door, the garage door and the sliding door. I turn the exterior lights on an and peer outside while maintaining a safe 6' of distance between me and the glass because I've seen way too many movies wherein the person next to the window suddenly gets sucked away into bloody nothingness by a scaly claw. I wasn't born yesterday- more like 42 years ago, that's a lot of scary- Freddie, Jason, Alien, and vampire movies.

I do this several times and lecture the dog after each time. She doesn't stop. Eventually, too tired to do the route again I pull the covers up to my chin. The dog and I lay cheek to cheek both staring with big eyes at the bedroom door waiting for the sure arrival of the axe murderer. I know by now its definitely an axe murderer she's hearing.

The axe murderer came in through the slider in the lower level and is just waiting for us to fall asleep before he comes up the stairs. I know he's coming from the lower level because I was too chicken to check down there to make doubly sure that door was locked. It wasn't that I didn't think of it. I gave the stairs a sidelong glance every time I went by them. No way I was going down there! Everybody- Everybody know this simple truth- there are monsters in the basement and vampires in the attic. So, no way, no how was I going down there at 2:00 in the morning....years of tearing up the basement stairs at my parents house had taught me that one day....one day I wouldn't be fast enough....

Its now somewhere around the 3:00 hour and my need for sleep is battling with my furiously beating heart. My adult brain is totally disgusted with my child brain. One more round I tell myself, just do it! This time I turn on the outside lights all around the house and leave them on. Damn the electric bill! Hubby is going to have a fit tomorrow but I'll make short work of him after no sleep! One more time into the children's room to check their breathing. I walk in.

I stop dead. Something has caught my eye. It can't be. I rub my eyes. Yep. Still there. Ok, I've died and just don't realize it yet. Nope, I felt for my pulse and it was there. Present also was this strange feeling of the earth moving under my feet. Now, I've been staring for several seconds. Ok, I really am seeing it- its moving. I take two steps backwards, so does the dog. I flip on their light. Yep. Still there. How can it be? I live in Michigan. Woodland wonder Michigan.

There on the floor of my children's room, lumbering across the shag was.....a hermit crab. At 3:00-ish in the friggin a.m., in the middle of Michigan was a shellfish. Not any shellfish but the one creature who borrows an abandoned shell and takes it with them wherever they go.

So I bent over my- giant in comparison- body and tapped that shellfish on top of his house. His legs immediately curled up like the busted thief that he was- he retreated into his refuge. I picked him up and held him up- eyeball to claw, I decided there was only one place for him to go.

Once I unceremoniously dropped him the fish tank I warned the fish. "Listen, you've got a roomie for the night and I'm not sure when he ate last or what he ate but if I were you I'd stay on that side of the tank."
It was at that exact moment that my dog lay down on the floor and went immediately to sleep. Somehow, my super sensitive dog could hear the tiny noises that this crab was making. She knew something in her house was not right and she was not going to rest until I made her world safe.

There in lies the story of how my work week started. Bleary eyed but with a good story to tell. OH! Where did it come from? Well if you haven't guessed, the story I was told is that it was found on the picnic table on the playground. Our new friend had been in my house all weekend but Sunday night had managed to work his way out of his plastic bag and tried to make a run for the sea.

Let me just say- its not everyday you can claim that your shag has crabs- and then giggle about it!