Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Facebook posts- don't ya wanna be my friend?

12 hours ago-

I win. I have the hardest life. I also give. In, that is. Looks like I will be driving BIG RED into work today and my little white mini van will stay home and rest up its battery. Wish me luck that my short little legs can keep my feet on the brake when needed.

9 hours ago-

Well, the F150 and I made it in...it wasn't pretty driving but we got there. I am too old to be driving a stick and putting on my makeup!

2 hours ago-
So, Big Red ran out of gas about 50 yards from the gas station even though it claimed to still have some gas (liar!). I swore, I prayed, I cried and then after meditating for a few minutes-we left the truck in the intersection and walked in the rain to the auto part store and begged for help. I left the girls at the auto place and some twenty year old kid and I walked back to the truck where it started on the first turn. I then pretended that my tube of lipstick was a gun and forced him to drive Big Red to the gas station and wait while I filled it. It ran like a gem all the way home but the girls were not allowed to speak except to pray that it didn't stall at the next intersection (it is after all a lying sack of crap and it might not have been the whole gas thing..) While pouring myself a mixed drink ( my wine is old so I mixed sprite with it so it doesn't taste like rotten fruit) I somehow knocked my yogurt off the shelf and it opened and spilled down the front of me. Thankfully it is Greek and low in calories but high in protein. Speaking of high....oh, wait- that's right, I'm supposedly a responsible adult now.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Can you tell what this is?

Can you see what this is?

I know the pictures are bad....

I'll tell you what this is....

Its the reason I haven't been blogging!

 I'm on a deadline!  My first ever commission!
and it looks like I will never meet that deadline.  That's what being sick for a month and a half will do for you- put you way behind.  So I will have to contact the client and let him know I won't be done on time but before I do that I should probably put some clothes on this lady!  Its a piece based on his mother so he would most likely prefer she wasn't naked.  
Truthfully, I've had a hard time with the design concept and that held me up from getting started.  I had a plan that involved deer but then I learned from the client that she was constantly battling those furry creatures as they would eat her beloved flowers.  Back to the drawing board I went!  And this is where I stand at 10:00 this evening- not near done but with a good start.  Oh, well, I am certainly used to flying by the seat of my pants so what else would be new?

Friday, February 3, 2012

Reality TV makes me want to....

Move to California and learn to be a special effects make-up artist!  Me and the fam are totally hooked on Face OFF!  Not surprising considering the correlation between the sculpting techniques they use and my artistic direction!

Trade Spouses!  No, not really- yuck. Hows 'bout, instead I....

Help jailbirds rescue pit bulls!  Can I do it from a -far away- separate room, though?  I don't really want to interact with criminals.  People who haven't been incarcerated are difficult enough let alone those clingy, needy, citizens silly enough to get caught.  By the way- I'm the girl with the cool hair!  By the way, that show is called Pit Bulls and Parolees.  I think those ladies are pretty safe from both the pit bulls and the parolees!

Open up a pawn shop, put on 50 pounds and start wearing cut off t-shirts and hoodies.  Hey!  Looks like there's good money in it!

Hunt Ghosts and other spooky creatures!  Except for that darn- scared of the dark- phobia wherein I can envision myself peeing my pants and jumping in the reluctant arms of a camera man at the slightest netherworldly moan or groan!

Make sculptures out of cake and embrace my inner Italian!  Except that the closest I come to Italian is my uncle by marriage!  Still- who wouldn't want to make a cake that looks and moves like a dinosaur!  Yes, I know, this one is some kind of two headed dragon!

Help Hoarders clean out their house!  Oh, wait- did that!  When I got my parents house ready to sell I filled two twenty five foot dumpsters.  Seriously, I lost 15 pounds of baby weight and the house stood three feet taller.
My parents house didn't quite look like this- holy cow!

Now, I'd really like to help people with their weight loss like on The Biggest Loser but honestly I just don't think I am the best person for that job.  I like food, hate exercising and once caused a friend to have an asthmatic attack by leaving a marker on her desk with a note that said "Smell this, You know you want to!!!"     In my defense that's when I first realized she was asthmatic.... as she started to make this strange gasping noise and was thrashing around for her purse...where she kept her inhaler.  Chalk that up to a lesson learned!  No, I don't think I am suitable to guide people who have gone astray back onto a good path.

Yes, reality TV and a cushy chair have taken control of me- I am at their mercy.  I am working on a commissioned project.  Its a hard one.  Why?  Because I don't know how to do anything in a way that would be easy, convenient or time efficient.  Always challenging myself to do something new and unique may just be getting the best of me.  My deadline is March 1st and I am afraid I won't make it.  A bathroom re-model isn't getting me any further along on the art project either.

So, all in all things in my life are the same as always- out of control, unorganized and inefficient!  Ahh, life is good!