Wednesday, December 30, 2009
She's in first grade. She told me she didn't want to make the arms at the top so she just made presents. Well, I think I just may have to steal this idea from her art teacher! I am, maybe, if everything goes well, going to be teaching some art classes at a local gallery. Now I could just teach paper mache' and call it good but.... ya know.... there's just something else I think I want to do as well. A little something near and dear to my heart.
I don't think I have made it a secret that I am on this creative journey to let loose my inner artist. But did you get the part where I yearn to answer that age old question- "what is the meaning of life, but more specifically what is the meaning of my life?" "Why have all these 'things' - some horribly difficult- happened and how did they not destroy me? Sure, I may be crazy- in that cute, chic, ever so clever crazy way of mine but still- I'm here and functioning and even.... reaching for more than mere existence. I want. Yes, I want. I want meaning and I want proof that I matter and that I make a difference. I want answers. And chocolate.
Don't a lot of you want the same thing? I think so. I think women my age have come into a time where they understand that all that crap we used to worry about- friends, approval, men, approval, weight, looks, approval- is just crap. We've had that, we've lost that, we've gained it back-or not but either way it wasn't enough anyway. That approval or what ever you want to call it wasn't ever going to be 'enough'.
So what now? That's the question that I and a lot of my friends are facing up to. Well, I just may have some insight. Or maybe just questions. Or maybe, because I love my friends even the ones I don't know yet, I want to hash some of this out with them so I can be there to tell them- no matter what you aren't, what you are is good enough for me and I love you for it.
I wish to find some way (venue) to do this. HMMM....well, I can do art....maybe not as well as Leonardo or Michelangelo, but I think most women would be OK with my level of talent...hmmm....so what's that called, anyways? Self discovery through art? err...sounds a little like masturbation...umm, I know- art therapy! Yeah! Oh, no degree or training- could be a disadvantage, what if someone comes to me with a serious problem and I prescribe a beer and a box of candy in front of a good movie and it doesn't solve the problem....OK, so ...what?
I want to offer and perhaps lead (gulp) a class that helps women identify themselves in a more positive light. I want to inspire women to reach out in new directions. I want to inspire women to reach out to other women and bring them 'up'.
I don't know what to call it but this little angel that my little angel brought to me has me intrigued and I just know there's a project/lesson in there. I'm thinkin' the student creates their own angel that represents themselves- what they believe in, what makes them who they are and why or how, what they aspire to, etc. And, just like Brooke's angel is imperfect theirs could be as well. Then, they take it home, put it in a place they'll see it and let it remind them of who they are and who they want to be. And the world is a better place because of it.
Soooo, my brain is working on this angel project. Its a long way away from completion. I would love your comments and thoughts to help me along....
Sunday, December 27, 2009
There are two words which the emotionally intelligent should excise from their vocabulary because they are dangerous, destructive lies. They are "never" and "always". No one is "always" or "never" anything. People have irritating habits, destructive vices, bad traits which surface from time to time, prejudices founded on ignorance, but they are people, not monsters, for all that. "Always" and "never" turn criticisms: "That is a thoughtless act" into insults - "You are always thoughtless"; and insults , because they cannot be answered with reason, are nothing short of violence, which breeds violence in its turn. "Always" and "never" do violence to the person who thinks and speaks such nonsense, because in time, he or she begins to believe it, and his or her head becomes crowded with mythological monsters .
Why I felt this was blog material is- well because-its my blog. I must take every opportunity to remind myself of lessons learned. I am very forgetful and while I try to be the best self I can I easily slip into what I could call "darkness and angst". If we, and believe me-I do try, live in the "light of the truth" then life should be relatively calm and free of angst. I do try to be honest with myself and the best way to do this is by keeping things simple. Truth is simple. Truth can never be more or less than truth. In that essence it will never let you down. You can screw things up by putting your own slant on the truth but that is you. Nope, truth will not lead you down a path of misconception. It actually won't lead you anywhere- it can't. But seeing and knowing the truth gives you the ability to make appropriate decisions, have appropriate reactions, have appropriate attitudes. I believe that you can't get anywhere emotionally in life if you are not starting from a point of honesty with yourself.
Does that make me a perfectly happy person? Absolutely not! Why, I would never insinuate such a lofty ideal! I always present myself exactly as I am! Honest, I do, I wouldn't lie about it!
"Always" is a lie. "Never" is a lie.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Saturday, December 12, 2009
"Do you want to....?" I say yes. Have since I was just a wee thing. Unfortunately I had a tendency to say yes to all the naughty things as well as the not so naughty things.
But why is it that when some says to me
My first response is "Really? I should?....with a raised eyebrow and absolutely no intention of doing "that" unless I already was doing "that" because, of course I was smart enough to know that already, Thank you very much.
And if someone wants my full and immediate attention all they have to say is
"Have you ever...?"
Everything else stops in my world until I check my internal log of all the things I have ever done and then the sublist of all the things there are actually witnesses to and if no witnesses exist whether or not I want to admit to having done the "thing". Also, if the answer is no, I will need a moment to process whether or not I want to do the "thing" so forgive me if there seems to be an awkward pause while I stare unblinkingly at you-I am not seeing you but rather every and all possible consequences of doing the "thing". It is, indeed, sometimes painful to be me and I imagine sometimes painful to know me.
Now, if someone says to me
"You know you want to!" the statement will illicit a giggle. Even if I never wanted to do the "thing" I am rendered helpless at the thought of doing the "thing" because somehow I just know I shouldn't and so of course I just might and that makes me giggle behind my hand that flew up to catch- but didn't- the giggle.
Once in awhile this very annoying person in my life likes to say-
"Well, you wouldn't know this but...."
Which makes the hair on my neck stand up because how in the hell would you know what I do or don't know? Have you seen a televised version of my life? I've been places, I've seen all kinds of things you don't know about, done that and been there, lady! Take it from me folks, starting sentences with phrases like that will not endear you to many. Can you imagine answering that statement? "You are so right, of course I don't know that until you, Goddess of All Knowledge, tell me that, thus enriching my lowly life" Yeah? Puke! Arrgh!
Here's the short list of my responses to all opening statements- these are involuntary to me they just happen.
"Can you......?" "Well of course I can but it doesn't mean I will!"
"Will you ......?" "For God's sake what do you want from me, now?"
"Can I........ ?" "NO!"
"Can I Please.......?" "Didn't I just say NO!!!???"
"What if....?" " Well, I don't know! What do I look like the answer queen? Figure it out already, I'm burning dinner!"
"Can I sometime....?" "Uh, Uh, the answer is still NO!"
"You know you want to......? " "****giggle****"
"Do you think........?" "Are you really asking me or just sucking up to make me think you actually care what I think? I wasn't born yesterday- as you keep reminding me!"
Now that I have explained all that to you-