Which big project should I attempt next? Get my very first mammogram or find a new local dentist? I am not really scared of the mammogram. It's more the phone call to set up the appointment. Maybe it's pulling out the phone book. Or the part where I have to remember the name of my new gyno. who keeps leaving me recorded messages telling me it's time to make an appointment. Delete,delete. Naw, getting the ole boobies squished is the easy part.
Then there's the dentist dilemma. I have decided that my new dentist will have certain understandings before he/she (maybe I should say he or she as I seem to run into more and more he/she's of the other kind and why are they always named Drew, or Tracey or any other name that is gender anonymous? I can't tell if they are trying to be a boy or a girl and it makes me crazy because I don't have the guts to ask!) (But I want to!) even begins to think I will let them and their shiny silver tools near my mouth.
1. I want no lectures. I am the customer. This is what you get. If the car ain't broken you don't take it to the mechanic. Preventative checkup every six months? Now, that's just a scam!
2. I don't like flossing. I know I should do it so sometimes I do. Now, if I can't remember to take birth control every day why would I even begin to think I would floss every night? So don't make me say I will. Best case scenario all I can promise is something like this "I promise you that at sometime one or both of us will want to out of this marriage..." Oops, that's a quote from the movie Runaway Bride where Julia is turning in her running shoes as part of her marriage proposal to Richard Gere. Mine would go something like this- "I promise you that I do know I should floss every night. And for a while I will feel enough Irish Catholic guilt that I will get up out of bed and walk back into the bedroom and floss. And then, I won't. I may sporadically floss. I will occasionally think about flossing and some of the time the floss will win but then I have to actually find the floss which seems to have become a fun and favorite toy of the girls. So what I can really promise you is that I will give it about the same amount of effort that I give to eating healthy." So let's just both agree at the very first interview, that's me interviewing you, that you only get to mention flossing one time per visit.
Still, I can't decide...paper gown with my boobies squished between metal plates or paper place mat tied around my neck clipped together with roach clips. Hmmm, let's vote- I am waiting....Oh by the way, all caught up on the yearly so it's not a contender- don't try to trip me up!
Then there's the dentist dilemma. I have decided that my new dentist will have certain understandings before he/she (maybe I should say he or she as I seem to run into more and more he/she's of the other kind and why are they always named Drew, or Tracey or any other name that is gender anonymous? I can't tell if they are trying to be a boy or a girl and it makes me crazy because I don't have the guts to ask!) (But I want to!) even begins to think I will let them and their shiny silver tools near my mouth.
1. I want no lectures. I am the customer. This is what you get. If the car ain't broken you don't take it to the mechanic. Preventative checkup every six months? Now, that's just a scam!
2. I don't like flossing. I know I should do it so sometimes I do. Now, if I can't remember to take birth control every day why would I even begin to think I would floss every night? So don't make me say I will. Best case scenario all I can promise is something like this "I promise you that at sometime one or both of us will want to out of this marriage..." Oops, that's a quote from the movie Runaway Bride where Julia is turning in her running shoes as part of her marriage proposal to Richard Gere. Mine would go something like this- "I promise you that I do know I should floss every night. And for a while I will feel enough Irish Catholic guilt that I will get up out of bed and walk back into the bedroom and floss. And then, I won't. I may sporadically floss. I will occasionally think about flossing and some of the time the floss will win but then I have to actually find the floss which seems to have become a fun and favorite toy of the girls. So what I can really promise you is that I will give it about the same amount of effort that I give to eating healthy." So let's just both agree at the very first interview, that's me interviewing you, that you only get to mention flossing one time per visit.
Still, I can't decide...paper gown with my boobies squished between metal plates or paper place mat tied around my neck clipped together with roach clips. Hmmm, let's vote- I am waiting....Oh by the way, all caught up on the yearly so it's not a contender- don't try to trip me up!
Thanks, M. I'm good for another ten years, but again, thanks for caring.
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