Sunday, November 22, 2009

Done by Christmas?

This was a great idea I had one morning on the way to work. Some of my clearest moments are in the morning which surprises me to no end as typically I am such a rotten human being in the early hours of the day. But if I can be alone- sometimes- I have very clear thoughts about life and my place in it. I sometimes write in the morning. Sometimes its just a passing thought that I reach for and try to hold onto long enough to record it for later development.
This sometime I was driving to work and a little idea wiggled into my head. A doll for little girls given to them by their mom- or someone who loved them with all the love a mother could have. A doll with all the messages that Mom's want to pass along recorded on its very body for imprinting on those little girl's psyche. A way to imprint the wisdom that adult women have gained unto the small females they are entrusted to care for. Maybe it was a vision of a solemn, tired little Brooke, reading one last message from me before she fell into her dreams. Maybe it was all my worry for uptight, own worst enemy, trying to shape the world into what she thinks it should be-Kayla. How to protect them? How to prepare them- for everything they have to learn for themselves? If I could just shape them a little now- so that when the time comes they are open to the messages and hear them correctly the first time! How can I help them become all they can be with the least amount of pain? This is my wish for them- not a life without pain, as this is not possible, but a life with enough joy to pull them through the dark times. Not a life with out trouble, as this is not possible, but a life suited with a solid platform of pragmatic confidence to stave off deep falls into self doubt, confidence to trust their decisions. Not a life of seeking perfection but a solid understanding that they are enough as they are now. If only, as every parent wishes, I could keep them from making the mistakes I made!
So, you are thinking- Wow, this is a lot to ask out of one little doll. My original image was that the doll be covered in writing. I pictured almost a graffiti effect. I struggled for days on end with how to accomplish this doll as I can not sew. I found a pre-sewn doll form but no clothes that were suitable for "writing" all over- at least not the so very important messages I want to impart. Paint is the answer, I will paint her clothes and use marker for the text. Then I remembered those pens my mother used to draw flowers on the edges of pillowcases as she, too, could not sew. Guess what? They still make those paint markers! So what you see in the pictures is merely the background. I will sand it away a little more to ensure it doesn't compete with the foreground. They will have hair although not that shiny dolly hair- yuk, and their faces will not be the traditional as I have already informed the girls. No, these will not be your average dolls with the average price tag. My messages have far more value, at least to me, than the ones you order and have charged to your card.
Now, if only I could find that list of all the affirmations I wanted to write on the dolls! For the life of me I cannot remember all those sweet things I wanted to say to them, especially after the weekend we had. Did I mention that Kayla took my birthday money I left out on my dresser and went on a shopping spree at the annual book fair her school puts on? Seems she was confused as to whether it was her birthday money or mine. Lets just say I am not enjoying my rainbow coloring book and set of matching markers and HelloKitty bracelet that I didn't know I wanted for my birthday.
Will keep you posted as to how they (the dolls and the kids) turn out.

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