Monday, February 21, 2011

Yes, I Stole Her Birthday.

If I could get my dial up to wander over to Chinamommy's site I'm sure I would find mention of how I stole her birthday luncheon and made it all about me. What ever whiny stuff she wrote be assured she's being way too kind. I hi-jackd her day. I falsely presented the idea that we would be gathering so that I could present her with her gift and that we would spend the day in the sunny light of togetherness. Yeah, right, sister!

First, after she finally called in (something about a 5K she ran that morning, blah, blah, blah) and said where should "we" go I set the expectation that we go somewhere with wi-fi. I needed to do something with my blog and my internet is becoming worse every milli-second. How about Panera or the book store? "Well, ok, but....I'm really hungry and...we always go to Panera..." That means we know we're not going to get the food we need to fill her belly at the book store. "Ok, see you at Panera unless, you know another place with wi-fi." She didn't.

In the car racing over to Panera (really- racing away from my family) I called her. "Lets not go to Panera. We go there all the time. How about Chili's or something?" I got there first. She wasn't there. I went next door to look at bathtubs. When my phone rang I decided not to answer it as I was enjoying making music from my pocket. She ordered right away. A huge hamburger. Very unlike her. I....well, I couldn't decide...I wanted a steak except that it was early in the day and it was almost 20.00. I really didn't want to drop $20 this early in the day, on food. Marguerita grilled chicken sounded great! Except for the boring ole chicken part! A quesadilla? A fajita? What's the difference- I asked. She patiently explained. Why don't you get the sampler platter, she said?

"Look, I'm just gonna tell you now. I know its your birthday lunch. But I haven't been out of the house to have fun since Christmas when I saw you last. Its almost March. I did go for lunch once with friend Barb but I had to take the girls and I was just starting to get sick with this malady that I will only refer to as 'my future hysterectomy, knock on wood'- it doesn't count. I need to have a day. A day that's all about me. So I know its your birthday but really- today is about me. Here is your present. Don't you love the vintage theme I wrapped it in? Hope you like it as I am second guessing everything in it."

"Ok" she said. She was a little weak with hunger at that point. Very malleable. I ordered the sampler platter and it was exactly what I wanted. It was delicious and came in at just under 15.00. I had two cokes. I almost ordered a beer. But I was still a litte afraid of becoming "violently ill" or looking across the room into the eyes of the Principal of our school.

(She looks a little bit afraid of me, doesn't she?)

So then, we went to Costco, where she's a member because I needed her to help me choose glasses. "I can't see what they look like on me because I'm blind and you have good taste. Therefore, you must help me." It almost got ugly though- she chatted up the clerk FOR-EVER. "I almost had to be rude and you know how I hate rude people! What took you so long?" "Well, I was asking on the sly how you could buy the glasses on my know, I had to ease into the question with a little small talk...." "Fine! How do these look? Twenty minutes later it was obvious to me that I was in no state to make decisions. "Take picutres of me with your phone!" I commanded. But she did this wierd thing that made me really nervous. She put the camera about 12" from my face. I somehow felt invaded. "its too close, make it go away, I feel bad....this isn't good..." I don't know what was going on there but I think a visit to the shrink was needed right then.

Then I made her go to TJ MAXX to look at bedding. Then the book store where we tried to have coffee but there was no place to sit and we ended up in the only two vacant chairs left in the store- right by the restrooms. We made ourselves at home and discussed when it would be the right time to tell our girls about sex. I hold true to the same method that I came to know about it- the movie in 4th grade and tv commercials. She bought a book.

By this time it was after 5:30 and I was thinking my family would be offended that I was gone all day. (I'm not really that good at running away- my joy is dampened by feelings guilt and unworthiness)Plus, I was exhausted. I'm almost better from the meds that made me nauseous for 14 days but not quite. Trust me, I will hold up the last month and a half in comparison to any 5k race and all of its prep- I win.

So when she called her husband and he said her parents were on the way...well, lets just say...I felt it was really important that she see them. "I just saw them Tuesday! Don't you want to go to Salvation Army with me??" "Well, you know, THEY won't be around forever......" (REALLY, I said that!) Followed with a "I'm going to walk you to your car...I just need to get a hug before you go...." (REALLY, I said that.)

OH my gosh! It was quite a day. I hope she enjoyed it as much as I did! NOw, there you have it! That's the true story as I lived it!


  1. Ok, mostly true! the chairs were by the office and unless someone in there was pooping their pants, it was not a bathroom, but let's not get technical! After I left I stopped for paint chips at home depot and wandered, used their bathroom and checked out what was new. I then rushed home since i AM the only child worth my parents visiting! I spent a lovely 15 min. with then, as they had to rush south before their bedtime!
    All in all it was a lovely day and I'd never want to spend it with anyone ele :)

  2. And the office was right next to the potty...ewww! The only other time I 'chose' to sit by the potty was to get away from a yucky co-worker!


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