Monday, January 18, 2010

Coffee date, anyone?

My friend Chinamommy asked if I was planning to meet her for coffee today. I thought I'd explain my lack of communication last week before I answered her.

Last week- Monday, went to Kayla's dr. appointment to re-evaluate results from checking her levels of the adhd medicine. The first set of levels came back as showing no drugs in her system. Hmm, I blamed the lab. The second set of levels came back the same way. Spent Monday and Tuesday envisioning a scenario wherein some one at the drug factory made false copies of the highly sought after amphetemine and stole the real ones to make meth out of- or speed or what ever. Wondered what authority I should call- FBI, CIA, DEA, GHOSTBUSTERS or even Lifetime television with my idea for their next made for tv movie- sexy, smart wonder mother unwittingly uncovers drug cartel exchaning perscription meds for placebos. Hmmm.

Tuesday, talked to work-mate Linda who called her son the genius medical student. He agreed, sounded very suspicious. Called her pharmacist who is a bio-chemist. She shot my conspiracy theory out of the sky like a pheasant in pheasant season. HMMM, what is physically wrong with Kayla that she is "not metabolizing" (Dr's words- far less exciting than my drug ring fantasy) OH, I KNOW- maybe something related to food allergies that I can't get anyone to help me with as "kids usually grow out of these" "Keep a food diary of everything she eats and correlate that with episodes of stomach discomfort" (why don't I just climb to the top of a building and jump off, it would be easier)?

OK, complete overload of what ifs and whys. Time to think of something else. Me? Sure, make a Dr's appointment to have that pesky ear that's crackling flushed and to just ask about these vague chest pains occurring since before T-day but were sure to disappear after the Christmas craziness was over.

Amazingly they have a cancellation at 7:15. I take it figuring that I can get to Alpine to meet Mark and girls to buy said girls new boots at Kohls. Amazingly they are on sale for 20.00, score! Pretend to take girls to bathroom, shop shoes instead- lots of clearance in my size.....can't load up with out the hubby knowing, damn. Have one hour before appointment, we go to taco hell.

I race to my doctors on Plainfield. Amazingly my blood pressure reading is quite high by then. (really? so was the number they told me when i got on the scale!) So then I tell them that while yes i need my ear flushed there's this other thing as well... I answered all her questions and she tells me that my answers are concerning....(perhaps, but maybe not as concerning as my discovery of the drug ring-is this a good time to run my conspiracy theory by her??) my blood pressure hasn't gone down much in this half hour so she orders an ekg. Perfectly normal results from that, of course. Then I get my ear flushed, spill the container of water all over myself as I forget my only part of this is to sit still and hold the container up by my ear. Ooops!

So I go home, eventually tell my husband the part about the chest pains at which time- wait for it Misschell, you know its coming- he immediately finds a way to tell me how its my fault for staying up so late on the computer and doing art-God Love Him, he's dependable. After every one goes to sleep I dig through boxes to find an at-home- blood- pressure- taker- machine. An hour later I finally decided perhaps I should read the directions because this is confusing! And ever since I have been taking my blood pressure like some people snort cocaine- often and on the sly. I have convinced myself I am dying and that I will be dead before the stress test on the 26th. I am pretty sure that my bp would go down if I would stop thinking about it.

Perhaps I should go back to figuring out how to solve the mystery of the non-absorbing adhd medicine...how do we know its not working...if in effect, its not getting in her system (the doc wanted to take her off of it because obviously she should be doing better- she scored poorly on the test I had to take for her and that was without mentioning the stealing) I refused as in my mind its the only thing keeping her alive and me out of prison.

Also, amazingly, when during my art therapy seminar I was paired up with the counselor and she started to suspect there might be turbulence beneath my calm waters I was able to divert the conversation back towards her and some of her life issues. Pretty slick, I say, don't mess with the master, we won't have enough time in this day to even start explaining my issues and I left my graphs, pie charts and laser pointer at home.

Hmm, coffee?
I can't decide, can I get back to you?

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