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Showing posts from April, 2010
"Well Doc, whaddaya think?" "You really think the Asians want your eyebrows?" "Why- I don't know. Corporate secrets woven into the strands, perhaps. Seems like a strange place to hide them. I wear make-up every day- things must be getting all smudged up." " Yeessssssssssssss , eyebrows don't really seem a suitable hiding place for corporate secrets." His fingers were touched together in the steeple position. "How do you suppose these people, masquerading as salon technicians, got the secrets in your eyebrows annnndddddd how are they getting them out?" "Well, I'm sure they'll use the transmitter they implanted in my toenail to send out a confusing sonic noise that will distract me." "A confusing sonic noise? From your toenail? A transmitter?" "I'm thinking so!" I turned my head and gave the doctor a slight wink. "Of course its just a theory." "Here's my theory, Mrs. Mi...

Real Quick-

I know you all think I really did die or was hauled off to the crazy house for my rant about Jack Bauer and my disappointment in his performance. I was a little tired, I have to say in my defense, and honestly, that episode was so bad that it really struck me as funny. And as Chinamommy can attest to- I have no tolerance for wimpy men. Really, if he thought this girlfriend would die like all the others after consummation of that particular act then he should have just offered her a polite handshake and sent her on her way. Selfish and pathetic- he was. But enough about him! Because I really wanted to share this picture of Chinamommy and I arranging flowers for the wedding. She saved my butt by allowing herself to be co-erced into working as a florist again. 35 arrangements we womped out that night and they were gorgeous. Kinda like us! That's a french fry sticking out of her mouth- I went vegetarian and ate my work.

I am not sleeping with Jack Bauer and you can't make me!

Because his penis is the kiss of death, apparently. Last week when I was MIA from blogland I did happen to catch the episode where Jack and the girl secret agent finally, finally had a minute in the 24hr day to have sex. I have to give the guy a break, he's been through a lot in the last few years. No one can argue the guy is tough. And smart. And always makes the right decision. I can understand his love life has been a little up and down. First his wife was murdered by his friend at work. Then he had a love interest for a couple of seasons but she was kidnapped by terrorists and tortured for months when he finally found out and rescued her she was a bit damaged. Even though he loved her Jack decided to walk away, literally, for her own good. So some of his lovers have died, others have gone crazy- I can understand he's a little gun shy. On this episode Jack and Renae are done. Done catching terrorists. They decide to go back to his place. Jack is awkward. He ask...

I went astray at the car wash. And that's ok.

Saturday, the morning of the wedding I took the ole' Subaru through the car wash. Car wash facilities intimidate me slightly (like the Asians) because I fear there is some small potential for me to screw up. Really, give me something with exact directions that even an idiot could follow and I start to sweat. You know the fear, the same one that you'll stand up to give a speech and your pants will fall down and you'll have forgotten to wear underwear. (Silly fear- as if the daughter of a 1960's repressed Catholic housewife would ever forget to wear underwear- one time with the chastity belt and you'll never undervalue a good pair of white cotton underwear!) Back to the car wash- I never really get my tire lined up with the track exactly correct. The guy always has to do a lot of waving me back and forth with a polite smile on his face. I would be more embarrassed but hey, at least I don't work at a car wash and at the end of the ride I'm driving away. This ri...

The Asians want my eyebrows!

Remember on Grey's Anatomy when Christina was preparing to marry Burke? Burke's mother was a force to be reckoned with and used to getting her way. The episode showed a short snippet of her entering the room to have a traditional mother in law/daughter in law chat before the wedding and the next scene was Merideth entering the room to a bedraggled Christina who looked up and plaintively said "Momma took my eyebrows." I've only ever had three pedicures. The last one was this past week. There was a wedding. I have a weird toe and the heels of a dragon. It was necessary even though I always thought that manicures and pedicures were for women of money and would never pay to have someone else do my grooming because I wasn't rich yet. Well, I'm starting to think the whole "rich" or "comfortably well off" may never happen. So, even though its not the fiscally responsable choice I decided to break the seal and have someone else scrape years of ...

All the random thoughts and events from last week-

So now that I am used to sharing those strange thoughts and opinions that wander through my head I've found that its a little hard not to. Am I addicted to blogging? Could be- I've always said I had an addictive personality but not much follow through. Point in case my mother was afraid I would be an alcoholic because her father was. It skips a generation, ya know. (Nowadays, thanks to the television series- "Rescue Me" I understand my Grandfather wasn't really an alcoholic- he was IRISH!) Does this mean that my daughter will scream like a ninny every time she sees a bat? Not if she wants to live long, she won't. By the way- was that yet another way my mother screwed me up by forecasting an addiction to alcohol? Good thing the only religion I ever followed was the religion of doing exactly the opposite of anything my mother wanted me too! Well, maybe not so good- she wanted me to be a nurse because that seemed glamorous to women of her generation. Now, as I s...

This post is not what you think it is.

Is she done? I'm not sure. Her "hair" is glued on and she has features. It was my intention with this sculpture to explore paper mache` in a more natural raw form. With the past works I added paper clay to the garment to smooth it out. This one felt like it was calling for texture. So I painted the "fabric" just as it was- a real thin coat of paper mulch over top the wire mesh that created the shape. I liked it. Do I dare tell you the story of the hair? I drew this lady with wild hair thinking it was a great metaphor for the meaning of the sculpture. Its about realizing you are "The Source". Meaning YOU are the source of the energy that surrounds you. The word kinetic comes to mind but I have yet to look it up and make sure its accurate to this work. But that's not the story of the hair. You know how, in your work, you need just the right thing? And you also know that you probably won't find it? I do this thing where I rack my brain trying to t...

"Not my problem, Buddy."

Hi Guys! Just checking in real quick. Been carting the fam around G. R. trying to impress them. Being from Long Island, it takes a bit. Their arrival started out a bit rough. After pre-booking a sedan, Budget rental tried to palm off a compact car. As an explanation, "Dean" offered "It's spring break here, we're low on cars." Unimpressed my life long New Yorker Aunt barely lifted an eyebrow and quietly stated "Not my problem, Buddy" and shortly a sedan was procured for them. At some point I am sure coupons for a free rental will arrive in their mail. Wow, I would have had to sulk away and come back with a carefully composed argument about my rights as a customer and how we had entered into a legally binding contract with their company and then thrown in a story about being in town to receive a heart transplant and how small cars made me nervous. Just goes to show how a few well chosen words can save time and effort. Lesson fully absorbed. On anothe...

The Swingers

Here's my new project- thought I'd share with you. Don't worry- I will add hair and eyes. They are always the hardest for me so they end up being last. I do a lot of serious work dealing with 'women's issues' but I like to play too. Remember- I love little girls- that's why I spend so much time hiding out from mine! My grandmother had a story about her mother, called Nana. Nana didn't like her middle name, or lack of a middle name- something like that, so she would collect names she liked to add to hers. My Grandmother would say "and she always said it like this...My name is (her real name which escapes me right now), Anastasia Grace Violet....." there were two more which I can't remember. I am going to have to grill family members to see if anyone can add to my forgotten list. I am thinking of pulling from this list for names for these swinging sista's. The other real cool thing about my mothers family is that they all had nicknames th...

Early spring

Tonight I sat at the dinner table looking out at this fabulous early warm-up and its effects on the world around me. We live back off the road a ways. We have woods to one side of us and fields on the other three. The land behind us and to the side is owned by a lady who uses it for hay and for riding her horses. In front of us, the man who lives down by the road does a pretty good job of keeping his field mowed down. I prefer the sides that grow wild except for when its time to hay. I like the scrub trees that grow. I like to watch the wind blow through the grass and the different flowers that come into bloom. Its exciting to know that the season is changing and that even though I can't physically see them with my eyes plants are beginning to bud and animals that have burrowed away are starting their spring routine. There's a smell outside that no-one can capture in a perfume bottle and it rides on a breeze that's soft to my skin. As I sit at the table I have an urge to go...