Wednesday, April 21, 2010

I am not sleeping with Jack Bauer and you can't make me!

Because his penis is the kiss of death, apparently. Last week when I was MIA from blogland I did happen to catch the episode where Jack and the girl secret agent finally, finally had a minute in the 24hr day to have sex.

I have to give the guy a break, he's been through a lot in the last few years. No one can argue the guy is tough. And smart. And always makes the right decision. I can understand his love life has been a little up and down. First his wife was murdered by his friend at work. Then he had a love interest for a couple of seasons but she was kidnapped by terrorists and tortured for months when he finally found out and rescued her she was a bit damaged. Even though he loved her Jack decided to walk away, literally, for her own good.

So some of his lovers have died, others have gone crazy- I can understand he's a little gun shy. On this episode Jack and Renae are done. Done catching terrorists. They decide to go back to his place. Jack is awkward. He asks if she's hungry. Hellooooo- hungry for you, big boy, stop stuttering about food. She takes over. Its still awkward. I think the producers were going for tender. Reticent, perhaps. Unwilling to open up and be unguarded. I don't know. But it was the most AWKWARD love scene I have ever seen. And then they were done. There they were, fleshy face to freckeled face and he says "Man, I'm thirsty, how about you? You stay here, I'll get us a drink, don't move!"

At this point I am laughing out loud because I know its coming! For a great action show this episode is way too predicable! Why? Why couldn't the man have just one love affair last longer than first awkward sex night? And if I could say- awkward- one more time! I wanted to hit him upside his waxy little head! REALLY, Jack Bauer? All these times you've saved the U.S. and the best you can muster up is an offer to feed her? Pick her up and throw her up against the wall you big, terrorist thwarting, super star! Why do I have to tell you this? You are no spring daisy! You've been around the block! She isn't going to die if you touch her! Seriously- I wanted to punch him just to make him man up a bit! And then, after finally getting the girl the best conversation he can make is how thirsty he is? Don't get up honey because an assassins bullet is going to come through the window and kill you now that I have desecrated your foreign lands!

Well, long story short, a bullet came through the window and killed Renae and now Jack has stolen a helicopter to get revenge but I argue the point that- maybe, maybe she chose to not "hang on" because if that is all the better sex with a super spy is going to be then why, why "hang on"?


  1. sounds like you are sexually frustrated, I'll give your husband a call & tell him to throw you down the steps 1st.... hahaha!

  2. PS- i've never seen that show... I'm too busy watching Michael Scott be awkward at THE OFFICE, perhaps you SHOULD listen to me and watch my show...

  3. I just blocked your number from my home phone- call me on my cell!


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