Monday, June 21, 2010

Let's give a shout those cheek and lip muscles!

Never are they missed so much as when they don't work! Mine are taking a short break after a visit to the dentist today. Blog about a visit to the dentist? Why the poor girl must be pretty hard up! That is how I feel, pretty hard up and showin' a little wear- long in the tooth as they say! Ha! I amuse myself.

Root canal! The phrase that strikes fear in the hearts of many. Not mine. I'm too busy being afraid of the word- dentist. Yeah, they had me at "How can we help you- Mrs. ChrisChronicles? Not that we don't know what we should do given free reign but this being America and all- what problem do you choose to treat today?"

That's right. I am just old enough to have a past that includes a dentist who didn't numb up the area before giving shots. That's a neat technique- wish they would have thought of that- oh I dunno- DECADES ago. Also I have this freaky delay in my system that causes me to need just a few more than the reccomended minutes before the shot takes effect. I can remember being just a wee tyke- ok, a painfully thin pre-teen with the world's ugliest coke bottle glasses first in a lovely blue shade and then tortise- cool now but not so much in Rainbow, USA in the 70's but I was blind as a bat so I chose them twice- God help me! There I was in the dentist's chair having just endured about six bee stings to my tender young gums only to discover I could feel everything! I quickly let the dentist know and he responded by giving me about 3 or 4 more shots. Still I could feel everything but was not in for another round of those shots so I just gripped the arms tight and held on. After the procedure was done and the anesthesia took effect I spent the next few hours drooling. I'm sure it was attractive.

Now as adult I have finally forced myself to find a dentist that claims to be gentle. (Not on the pocket book folks, I am paying more than I should but if he claims to be gentle- I'm all in.) A young girl interviewed me. I told her how my last dentist lectured me about waiting so long between visits. What? Five years go by very quickly for for me! And that was the last time I saw a dentist. Now not only was I afraid of dentists I was resentful. So I explained that most of my experiences with dentists had been painfully hard for me and that in no way shape or form did I want to be lectured 'cuz that would just make it worse and I would probably never get up the nerve- ever- to walk in a dental office again.

Its a new age folks, I'm here to tell you. She took note. She promised I would not be lectured and that a lot of people are afraid. They are used to that, she said. OK, I think I am at the right place.

I had the first part of the tooth adressed right after a very busy period. I had to wait until after the wedding/cottage show week. I carried a bottle of Ambesol that last week and applied it generously to the "problem area." Mark is still recovering. Kidding!

Folks, don't go doing something traumatic when you are already in a state of anxiety, (which I was- hello, wedding flower side job and trade show in the same week!) please don't. I had a panic attack in the chair. It was awful. I was shaking like a leaf and wanted to run. I told the assistant and she was like "seriously?" No, I often embarrass myself in professional settings. I got through it. The dentist was very considerate- asking every 20 seconds or so if I was ok, explaining what he was doing, apologizing for 'the pressure' you're going to feel right- NOW! Truthfully I didn't feel much at all.

But after today's visit I wonder if his technique- this gentle dentistry- doesn't make things worse. There I was, eyes closed, trying to plan out my next art doll behind closed eyes and every twenty seconds there he was- all namby pamby- "You're doing great! Could you just open a little wider- so sorry - this is just kind of a crazy angle- You're doing great..."

DON'T tell me how great I'm doing! Tell me how great YOU are doing! That would make me feel real comfortable. I want the dentist to say "Man, this is the best root canal I have ever done! People are going to be asking you for my card, Damn, I'm good!" That's the dentist I want.

Further more I want the dentist who says "Look, lady, you and I both know this is no big deal. You're not dying here today. I'm gonna shoot you up so high you wouldn't know if I took all your teeth. Yeah, you're gonna hear some drilling and you'll know its from your mouth. You might smell a little something- its your teeth burning from the drilling. But Man Up! The guy in the next room over has got it much worse than you so sit down, put this bib on and let's do this and if you're a good girl, I'll send you home with some drugs- right after I snatch one for myself, of course!" Yeah, where's that guy?

I'm not going to sugar coat it. It was awful. Awful long, awful loud, annoying, my jaw feels like I've been chewing on tires and in general- it was awful. When the assistant came back in the room I was sitting upright, purse in my lap and I informed her I was ready to go. "Do you have to be somewhere?" she asked. "Nope, just outta here. Gotta bolt, no offense." But while she had been gone I had a minute to look at my file which was open on her very large easy to read screen. In the comments box it said "Chris asked who our interior designer was." What? Yeah, in passing! Thought I might know her, liked her work, how'd that end up in my file? That would explain his chit chat-chattery chatter at my first visit.

Then two areas down I saw another post. "Chris does not want to be lectured about waiting so long between visits...." There was much more but just then she came back in. I had to grin at that. They must think I am one strange girl. I bet they just can't wait for a reason to call me and request my design services. I'm pretty sure I came across as a real "stable" individual at both visits. I'm thinking I am a lot like "Kramer" from that show, you know, Seinfeld! Geesh, I think they took out my brain with that little drill!

I'm still grinning but only on one side!


  1. Christine, this post is hilarious. You have a fabulous sense of humor.

  2. well, we have this in common too. I wait waaaay too long between dentist visits and I had to force myself to read further after I saw the words root canal (shudder). If you find that dentist that tells you to suck it up and fills you full of more drugs than you need could ya let me know? I think I might even be willing to drive across the country for him. ((((hugs- feel better sooooooonnnnn!!!))))))

  3. Ohh, Liz, if only you could hear the multiple conversations that go on in my head.....And Kim, I'm on that! You'll be the first to know after I come down off the morphine that is!

  4. Poor Chris! I also have a horrible track record with dentists. The first was a weird guy who liked to start the fillings before you were numb. Come to find out later, I have parallel veins that do not take kindly to trying to be knocked out and the week before my wedding I had a root canal that left me with a black eye and a hugely swollen face. Then the pedophile orthodontist who is now in prison, or he might be dead, but no one is for sure on that. Good times. I know how you feel and I'm glad for you that it's over! Now have a beer, but use a straw so you don't spill and cause a party foul.


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