I have a wierd toe.

I knew my toes would be seen today. I had to try on dresses to get the evaluation and approval of one the three dresses I brought home from Macy's. (It's the wedding, its all about the wedding from here on out.) The hot little black number by Calvin Klien won by a landslide. But to give all the dresses the proper showing I knew the shoes would be off and the contest I have been having with myself to see if I could avoid stripping off the toenail polish from my second-ever pedicure and just let it "grow off" was over. I caved. I searched out the nail polish remover and took off that last 1/4" strip of color from my pale clammy white toes. Only the big ones had any left, its been awhile.

But there it was, it hadn't gone anywhere the whole time I had steadfastly ignored it- that weird toe. Actually its a weird toe nail. Right in the middle of my previously perfect nail there this deformity I can only describe as an outward bend. A corner? A crease? A tent? Its small but its there. "Go to the doctor" you say! Well, it took me three months to get to the doctor to ask about those pesky chest pains so I am pretty sure this nail oddity isn't going to make the to-do list unless it writes itself on there.

But as I looked down, all bent over and my face scrunched up in self loathing a thought simmered in my brain and then rose to the top in a full rolling boil. Is this it? Is this the beginning of the "decline?" Have I started the process, officially of getting old and aquiring that kind of- shhh, Helen, I know you can hear me wherever you are but I mean this with all the love in my heart- old people- grossness?
Are my girls going to have that conversation- "Have you checked in on Mom lately? Is she- you know- showering regularly and is she grooming herself like she should?" And the other one says "Well, she looks pretty good, fashion sense aside and all but- I don't know, I'm not going near those feet if I don't have to! She's got that weird toe, ya know!" The other one nods with her face scrunched up like mine is at the moment and she says "Oh yeah, the toe- hope that doesn't run in the family!"

That's the story that played in my mind this morning and then I put that foot away in a shoe to keep my unsavory little secret safe just a little longer. There's a reason I go to the Asian girls at the salon in Meijer- when they talk about my feet I can pretend I don't know what they're talking about!